Juicing, Days 8 - 412

It only feels like day 412. I am kinda done with juicing and it is not because I am hungry or cranky or feel shitty. On the contrary.  I have  been in a fine mood for the majority of the time, I have yet to get dangerously “I am going to beat a small child for their Goldfish” hungry, I feel fine, great even, and what I have been eating/ drinking hasn’t been so bad at all. I am just done.

I am done with Easy Way. I love Easy Way and their produce is half the price of Kroger and they do an excellent job of stocking locally (everyone buy produce from Easy Way, it is worth it) but when you are there every day it gets a little old.

You see when juicing fruits and vegetables, some don’t produce all that much juice. You have use quite a few if you want a substantial amount of juice for two people, and we have been drinking at least two juices a day so that is a lot of produce gone into juicing.* And since it the both of us, we have been using a bit more than the recipes call for. That only means you have to get your worthless ass in the hot car and drive to the store if you want to eat. Every. Day. First world problem? Yes. Absolutely. But that doesn’t make it any less annoying.

And holy fucking shit am I done with prepping vegetables. I don’t mind breaking out the cutting board and chopping veggies for a meal or whatever but when it is every meal and you know you won’t be eating or leaving the kitchen for at least 45 minutes…done. I have never been so thankful for a solitary banana grabbed on the go.

Our technical last day for juicing was this Friday then we moved it up to Wednesday as Michael’s birthday is Thursday and then yesterday I looked at my beet juice and my bag of cut fruit and I just thought, “Wow, I am so done with this.” So last night, Monday, August 8, 2011 was our last day of juicing. I am tired and bored and done. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try it. You really should. I feel wonderful and I am not opposed to doing this again, preferably in the summer for produce reasons, for a week down the road. But I can’t anymore and I am also growing to resent fruit and vegetables and I don’t want that to happen. But, seriously, try it. You won’t regret it.

Tips on Juicing/ Raw Food eating:

-          Buddy up! If I didn’t have someone to do this with I would have failed long ago. When there is another person that can do the peeling, cutting, produce running, it saves all kinds of time and keeps the motivation going. There is also someone else there to wallow in your shared self-food-pity. It helps, trust me.

-          Variety! If it’s in the produce section and you have never had it before, get it. Try it. Get one of everything they have and hope for the best. If you stick to the basics of fruit and vegetables, you are going to get bored and lose your mind.

-          Cut it up! I have often fallen prey to an intimidatingly full Fresh Produce drawer in the fridge. If there is a cantaloupe in there that is all golden and good, sweet smelling and I know it’s going to be delicious, I still need the motivation to cut that son of a bitch up. So what I do, cut it all up at once, throw it in a bowl and you are done. Now every time you go to the fridge there are ready-to-eat fruits and vegetables.

-          Eat a lot. Seriously. You are going to be starving if you don’t eat enough of what you are allowed. The only reason I have only been really hungry twice in over a week is because I eat all the time. I also eat everything that I am allowed. If I hadn’t I wouldn’t have made it as far as I did.

-         Wait for it. If you can give it up to four days, I promise you will start to feel better. The first few days suck, but if you can make it past that, you should be good. Sure, I just quit but I lasted much longer than expected. Am I right?!

Okay so now that it is all over, what do I do now?

I am trying my damndest to not get back into shitty eating habits and that is going to take some discipline. I personally feel that if you like something enough you shouldn’t give it up. Sugar. Cheese. Meth. Whatever makes you happy, you should have it. Sure you may not have teeth or correct bowels or…teeth but if you like it, you like it. Who am I to say that you are wrong?

I have no intention of ever giving up sugar or dessert or alcohol. I like these things and they are going nowhere. But it certainly will not kill me to cut back and I think I can go ahead and eliminate certain things that I don’t really enjoy all that much and could easily be replaced by something better, healthier and probably cheaper.

So with that being said, here are the things I will no longer be consuming:

Caffeine: I am not going to say I will never have it again, but I am attempting to rid myself of it as a daily habit. Occasional cups of coffee are going to happen but no more daily Red Bull or skinny vanilla soy lattes. Dammit.

Packaged foods: including but not limited to; anything made by Lance, Grandma’s Peanut Butter Cookies, Little Debbies (I only consume these at my parent’s house, I don’t know why that is…), refrigerated cookie dough, store bought cookies (fancy foreign cookies that look weird and delicious do not count). Candy also doesn’t count in this because I said so but I will be cutting back considerably on candy and I am attempting to cut all high fructose corn syrup** out completely…except when it is included in Cadbury eggs which it may not be.

Grocery bakery desserts: Sigh. You know those neon-colored-icing cakes and cupcakes with a plastic ring thrown on the top that don’t even look all that good but you want it because it is there and it has icing on it? No more. If I want cupcakes I can make them myself (or my sister, who is admittedly much, much better) or I can go to a real bakery with fancy cupcakes. No more Kroger sugar cookies or angel food cake either. I have the know-how and time to make the shit myself, so I need to stop being fat and lazy and if I want a cookie, I can make my own damn cookies, or Girl Scouts can (do not count as packaged cookies, shut up!), whichever…

Milk: Bye milk! It was nice knowing you and I haven’t really drank you in a while but no more. It’s soy or nothing.

So enough about the things I will no longer do, what about the things I will attempt now that the juicing is over (note: I said “attempt”):

-         - At least one fresh veggie per meal and I am beyond ashamed that I haven’t been doing this all along.

-         -  At least two meals per week of nothing but fruits and vegetables. In addition, I will be making more vegan meals as well (have to cut back on cheese).

--      - Vegetable juices at least three times a week

That is all that I have so far but I think it’s a pretty good start. I felt like complete shit before this and I am feeling wonderful now so there has to be something to this juicing thing.

*I am an infamous non-waster of food. It did pain me to throw out the veggies that came out of the other end of the juicer. It’s just so much and it could all be put to good use. So I froze it. Tips for juicers for the leftover vegetable pulp (is it all called pulp or is that just oranges?): muffins, vegetable stock, carrot cake, compost. I have been throwing it in freezer bags and saving for a rainy muffin day.

** Addendum to HFCS rule: I will no longer be consuming any more candy containing HFCS but I do get one more time with every candy in the world. So at this point every candy, healthy or not, is on the table. You only live once! I want that life to be filled with various candies.

Juicing: One Week Down, One to Go

I woke up this morning and a spider this big jumped out of my bag, true story

I have a week left and I have no doubt that I can easily get through it. I would say the first four days have been the worst for me as far as fatigue, feeling hungry and all the bad things you hear about. If you can make it to day 5, I say you are doing well.

Concerns:  None whatsoever.

Bowel Movements: Everything is right on track

Mood: Feeling pretty good so I suppose that puts me in good spirits.

Hunger: In the documentary thing, that was the inspiration for this mess, they ask “Who thought of only  havinh three meals a day? Why not five or seven?” So I have kind of been taking on this same philosophy with this meal plan I have going on here. Whenever I am hungry, I eat something so basically I have been eating my face off. No one ever worry that I am not getting enough to eat. That has not been a problem.  I am never hungry and I find myself full at the end of the day.

Foods I could totes enjoy right now: At the moment there is nothing I crave, not even candy!  

Energy: I only get tired when I lay down. If I am going all day and sitting up and at my computer and awake, I am fine. But when I lay down it hits me all of a sudden that I am exhausted. I had to sit up to watch Louie Thursday night so I wouldn’t fall asleep. But as of right now, feeling great. Full of energy.

Moving on…

Okay so the beets. I have heard horror stories so I was very intimidated by these. I bought the beets with the stalk and leaves and put ALL of it in the juicer. Cut the stalk off and you can juice it whole and then cut the beet itself up into smaller pieces.

Like this!

Apple – Beet – Carrot

1 Apple

2 Beets w/ stalk

3 large carrots

1 Bunch of spinach (optional)

Thumb-sized piece of ginger

It’s the prettiest juice by far. But what did it taste like? It tasted like…beets? I don’t know. That was the first beet I have ever had in my life and I liked it. It kind of tastes like a cross between broccoli and spinach with a hint of dirt? And it was a pretty sweet drink too and I feared it would be bitter but it wasn’t to me. I enjoyed it and I don’t think Michael hated it as much as he hates the mean green so…WIN!

I want to paint everything beet now

Michael has lost 10 lbs in a week. I have no idea how much I have lost. I am waiting until I am done to check it and I will fill you all in. I did check after day three and I lost 2 lbs. in 3 days so that is something I suppose but I don’t have my hopes up high that I am going to lose insane amounts of weight. I just want to feel better and I do. 

NBD: Juicing, Days 3 & 4

I'm not THAT hungry

Starting Day 5, Bitches!

Concerns:  Absolutely no concerns. I feel pretty good, great actually. Not as tired as I thought I would be or as weak feeling. I also haven’t been dizzy since I started nor have I gotten car sick and my hair is doing exceptionally well today. Also, I think I am not as greasy, which makes sense when you aren’t eating anything with grease or fat, duh Stacey.

Bowel Movements: So far we are back on track with that. But it is nothing like I read that it would be which would be shit of Golgothan proportions when it has been nothing of the sort with either of us.

Mood: Pretty upbeat, I’d say. And optimistic. I can’t tell you the last time I have gone this long (it’s been one week today) without taking Dramamine. So that is pretty freaking amazing for me.

Hunger: Tuesday sucked and was by far the worst.  I was never to the point where I was starving/ crabby/ woozy/ raging cunt but it was bad. And I really don’t see how I can be all that hungry when I have been eating so much but I was and my stomach was rumbling. As of right now I am good and I had a handful of dried bananas and my juice. But it’s only 9:30…

Foods I could totes enjoy right now: a burrito with black beans, guac, sour cream, salsa, corn, tomatoes, jalapenos, black olives and cilantro. I would honestly kill that burrito. It would be a delicious bloodbath (of salsa). I have also randomly been wanting a biscuit with jelly. Any kind of jelly, really…and maybe a teeny pat of butter. I find myself wanting sweets less but I could still eat that brownie…

Caffeine deprivation: I haven’t wanted to say anything so I could maybe avoid the wrath of the almighty “jinx” but I haven’t really noticed it and after the initial headache went away it hasn’t been an issue. I think I am going to attempt to keep off coffee and Red Bull after the two weeks is up.

Energy: I have had way more energy than I thought I would. I haven’t been as sleepy but I do get a little exhausted towards the end of the day but juicing takes a lot out of you. Seriously.  You have to cut all that shit up and sometimes you have peel it and it’s all this big thing. It is no different than the time it takes to prepare a meal but I hardly ever prepare more than two meals a day and this is like three or more. And all the washing and clean-up and all that shit is for the birds. That is my only complaint so far, the prep and the mess. But it is a small complaint and I’d say it’s worth it for how I’ve been feeling.

Moving on…

I guess I should talk about taste of juice for a second. I have liked them all, really. There hasn’t been one where I thought I might not be able to drink it (but I am trying beet tonight so that may change). I would even go so far as to say I have enjoyed all the juices. The only one that was not my favorite was the carrot/ kale combo and I think it was the consistency more than the taste. Maybe. But besides that one, I find them all might tasty. Michael, not so much. He has hated all the green ones so far and I think he has a hard time getting them all down. He’s good with fruit juice but he said he is done with Mean Green for good. So we are working on a new green juice now, I will let you know how that one works out.

I think my favorite green juice so far is a concoction that I came up with, sorta.

Juicing Bloody Mary (or V8 if you want to be a dick about it)

3 med tomatoes

3 stalks celery

1 bunch spinach

Four radishes (you can add more or less depending on how spicy you like it)

And pinches (just a pinch, I swear!) of: Cayenne, Sea Salt, Chili Powder

What have I been eating:

I have been eating the shit out of some tomatoes. Both Monday and Tuesday night I had a bowl of fresh, home grown tomatoes (thanks, mom and dad!) and corn. It was delicious. And Tuesday night we grilled the corn so it was super good.

I have gone through two cantaloupes this week and working on a third.

I like the taste of radishes and I have been cutting them up into small pieces and eating them.

Lots of grapes, bing cherries, strawberries and blueberries.

I also have a bag of raw broccoli for today to snack on…yes I am serious.

We made the mistake of checking the website and it says you can have dried fruits and vegetables so when we need like a small, crunchy side with our juice or a quick snack before we pass out, we eat dried fruit and veggies (yes, we are checking the ingredients first before we buy. I am not going to buy a bag of Craisins and call that healthy, so save your, “You know that stuff isn’t good for you…” nonsense). We have been trying not to rely on this though and just eating a little here and there, but it nice to have something to crunch on, more mental than anything I am sure.

So there you go, all is going well! 

Raped by Celery*: Juicing, Days 1 & 2

Nothing to do with anything

Okay I have changed the plan slightly since the last blog. On Join the Reboot which is what we are following there is a program where you can actually eat foods and juice. So that way you can actually eat a meal, kind of and have your juice. So I am doing that. Otherwise I don’t think I would make it eleven more days.

Concerns:  Nothing concerning so far. However, Michael did express concern that if I lost weight my boobs would get smaller. I have no concerns as of yet and everything is going a-ok. Well, one small concern, kinda…

Bowel Movements: I couldn’t tell you because I haven’t gone yet. But I think my issue is that being vegetarian keeps you pretty well cleaned out when you have a fairly balanced vegetarian diet (not just all cheese and chips). I have no problems as far as that is concerned. I don’t drink milk or eat meat and I have cut down on my cheese consumption significantly. So yeah, I don’t think I had all that much to get rid of to be honest.

Mood: Surprisingly I have not wanted to kill or maim anyone yet. And no bloodshed! It’s a miracle. I have been in pretty good spirits until Sunday afternoon. So yeah. And I was a little crabby this morning but that was only because the air conditioning is out (1^st world problem). Now that I am in a cool office, I am good.

Hunger: You know, it hasn’t been that bad (for me), but I have had fruit and such to help me along. And I think a lot of the hunger I have had has been mental. Surprisingly, the juice lasts you a lot longer than you think. Mine lasts much longer than an actual meal does so when you are finally finished you feel a little full, or at least I do. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want regular food…

Foods I could totes enjoy right now: Watching TV sucks. Trust me. Way too many commercials of food I would never consider eating on a normal basis (besides that peach shake at Steak-N-Shake). But everything looks so good. Sonic! OMG SONIC! I hate your delicious commercials. I haven’t eaten food that you can buy from your car (excluding Starbucks) yet this year but I could fuck up some tater tots and onion rings. I won’t but I could. The only thing I really find myself wanting is pizza, falafel and baba ganoush. And for some reason brownies and I don’t even like brownies all that much. But a really chocolately iced brownie would be gone in two seconds if it was in front of me.

Caffeine deprivation: It didn’t hit until Sunday morning with a headache that lasted all day. Headaches usually put me in a foul mood, so Sunday was not my most favorite day ever.

Energy: Saturday, I was fine. I actually felt great. Like considerably better than I usually do on regular food. All day Saturday was wonderful. Sunday afternoon, from about 3:00  on, I did not get out of bed. I was exhausted and my head was killing me by the end of the day. However, today I am doing just fine. No headache. Not anymore tired than I would be at this time.  Two thumbs up so far today.

So there you have it guys, what else do you want to know?

*According to Michael, the carrot/ kale combo juice is like getting raped in the mouth by celery. 

Fucking Juice, How does it work?

This is where I tell everyone what I plan on doing for the next few weeks/ months/ whatever and everyone reads politely while simultaneously taking bets with themselves on how long I am going to stick with this before I grow tired of it. A day, a week, years, who the hell knows? 

But yeah, juicing (not steroids). Ever heard of it?

I watch too many documentaries about food. One that was brought to my attention recently: Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead. 

The premise: an overweight guy (not fully American if you can believe it, yay America!) is basically experiencing all kinds of diseases and terrible things so he goes on a 60 day juice detox/ fast to try and reprogram his system. Rebooting with micronutrients (Google it)! It involves a lot more than that, but if you are that interested, it’s on Netflix Instant. But the basics: drink juice, feel better. And who doesn’t want to feel better?

Do I feel like shit? No, I don’t. I noticed a significant change in the way I felt after giving up meat over a year ago so I feel pretty OK. In the documentary, dude wants to get off prednisone so he starts juicing for two months and he eventually gets healthy enough to where he doesn’t need to take it anymore. I don’t take any daily medications or anything as I have no need but I get headaches, I am dizzy a lot thanks to that rat-bastard vertigo and I feel like I am tired all the time. So I guess I could stand to feel better, so why not give a juice fast a try, right?

Now I watched this documentary and was not, in any way, planning on juicing. But the argument to do this is a pretty valid one. I have said before that I may be a vegetarian but I am not a healthy eating vegetarian so why not give that a shot? Also, it might help me lose weight! In the movie, he lost 90 lbs in 6 months on a two month juice fast and then by eating healthy for the following four months. I am nowhere near as big as he was and if I lost 90 lbs, I’d be dead but I have to think I will lose something, right?

Look how happy they look!!

It has also been called to my attention from my many, many IG fans (three) that I have not blogged in, like, forever so guess what is about to happen…

Yeah so I am going to blog about this. Someone out there might want to know how it is going, so why not fill them in.

What juicing blog posts will look like:

Concerns:  Is some shit going down in my body that I am not aware of? Am I pretty sure I am going to die from starvation? Am I seeing things not there (or am I seeing things that have always been there but never saw until l now???...)?

Bowel Movements: Every bit of info I have read on juicing says the same thing, “Shitting is an experience” so I am going to share that experience with you in the vaguest terms possible. “Within 30 minutes from the first glass” is what I hear…

So how are you doing on that juice thing?: Why don’t you just read the blog, duh! No but I will fill everyone in on how I am doing, etc.

Mood: As everyone knows, I love sugar. Love it more than a grown ass lady should. I have attempted to give it up before and I did not last long so this should be real interesting. Will I want to gouge the eyes out of everyone I see? More than likely. Would I cut a bitch for a KitKat? Probably, time is going to tell on that one.

Hunger: I feel like I am going to be hungry as all hell but from what I have read if you give it a few days, the hunger goes away. I don’t know, we will see and I will let you know. I may be on a Japanese paper diet before long.

Caffeine deprivation: I have some form of caffeinated beverage every day. Caffeine headaches are not my favorite but, according to the internet, I can cure a headache with carrot, lettuce and celery juice so maybe I won’t have an issue?

Energy: Will I have any? From what I have gathered it takes a few days to really get your energy going.

I have a feeling the first few days are going to be a hell bitch from hell. But maybe not? Keep reading every day to find out!

I am not doing this alone, either so that may help with my sticking with it. Michael* is going 30 days and I plan on going two weeks. I may go longer it just depends how I feel and 30 days seems like the longest amount of time ever. So yeah, we are starting our juice fast on Saturday morning (we felt it was a pretty solid idea to stay close to home the first few days for obvious reasons). And then we will see where it takes us from there.

So juice fast. Starting Saturday, July 30^th.  I drink nothing but juice for two weeks (maybe longer) and I blog about it. Everyone wins! Stay tuned! No really. Read my blog. Kthanksbye! 

* Why is Michael doing this, aka a vaIid reason: “I’m really doing it to help jumpstart my diet. Right now I’m eating too much junk and rarely anything with substantial amounts of nutrients. I’m hoping between reducing my sodium intake drastically, getting the correct nutrients, and losing some weight that eventually I might be able to get my blood pressure down enough to not take meds for it. There are other reasons too though. It supposedly helps you sleep better, clears your skin up and gives you more energy. So yeah, all that too.”