Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Eating Meat - heh, I said meat...

Poor piggies...
So I am a newish vegetarian. I stopped eating meat in April and I haven’t eaten any since.  

I usually only get asked one really, really stupid question when people find out:

“You don’t eat chicken???”

The last time I checked, chicken is meat. Meat Eaters – Please stop asking this question. Last week Christy was making chicken salad with canned chicken (I didn’t even eat canned chicken when I ate meat).  She asked me if I wanted any and I reminded her that I don’t eat meat. Her response:

“Well, yeah, but it’s in a can…”

What? She tried to make sense of this by saying that I have eaten canned tuna since I quit eating meat. I explained to her that what she had in her hand is in fact chicken, not tuna. Her response:

“It’s probably the same thing.”

Again, WHAT?! Are you Jessica Simpson? Did you just tell me that canned tuna and canned chicken are the same thing? It doesn’t even say “Chicken of the Sea.” Where is your confusion coming from?  I still don’t really understand the point she was trying to make nor do I think she got the point I was trying to make that what was in the can is still chicken. Genius, that one.

Since we started with this topic, might as well go into other, normal questions I get asked.


I love documentaries and non-fiction books that expose things…like the meat industry and factory farming. It all started when I read Fast Food Nation and then I saw the movie and then I saw Food, Inc and then I read Eating Animals. From that point on, I was pretty much done. The level of shit (literal actual feces and figurative shit of the bull kind) that animals are put through is astounding and it will break you heart/ gag reflex. No, I don’t expect people to feel an emotional connection to a random ass chicken but what if I told you that this chicken was grown so rapidly from being fed increasing amounts of hormones so a “full grown” chicken can be sold to you, the consumer, in record time that this chicken is malformed that it can’t walk or hold its head up. Tasty, no?

Anyhoo, I won’t preach to you. I’m not a judgmental vegetarian. If it’s something you are interested in, look into it. There are scads of information out there for you. My point is, meat is gross and I don’t eat it anymore. That’s why.

I still eat fish so I guess, technically, I am a pescatarian. Yes, it is very hypocritical to not give a fuck about fish or their well being, but I love sushi and I am not willing to give that up. I’m an asshole. Yes, I can eat vegetable sushi, but vegetable sushi sucks. And I actually haven’t eaten fish in about two months so I am going to try and cut that out as well. So far I haven’t even noticed not having it, however I haven’t been out to sushi and sake for two months either so that will the be the real test.

The second most asked question:

“Do you miss it?”

The answer, yes and no.  I wasn’t a big meat eater anyway so it wasn’t that hard of a transition. I would never, ever order meat at restaurants, with the exception of fish. I don’t know why this is.  I am going to blame food poisoning, mostly. I have had food poisoning more than any person I know and it has always came from restaurants.  At a certain point when do you tell yourself “Okay maybe let’s stop eating meat served to me via a wait staff.”

The smell of fried chicken is a toughy. It still smells good even though I would never eat it and the thought of eating chicken is not a pleasant one. But the smell, oh the smell…it still makes my mouth water a little bit.

The smell of bacon still does nothing for me. I hate pork and I think bbq is overrated. Ham is the animal equivalent to human flesh and I don’t see how people eat it and tear through the spongy, fatty carcass with their teeth and still manage to choke that shit down. GROSS.

I also miss hamburgers and good char grilled hot dog. Not enough to eat either of them but they are sorely missed. And I don’t want to think about fried turkey. We will  just ignore that and keep on trucking…

Third most asked question:

“What do you eat???” – and this question is usually followed by the rolling  of the eyes from meat eaters which is fucking rude.

I have no problem finding things to eat. It is a bit tougher when searching for things on the go but it’s not impossible. Fast food is pretty much out of the question. Most fast food places don’t cater to the vegetarian and it they do, it’s usually a measly veggie burger with no taste which usually ends up pissing me off.  And I think the only establishment that does is Burger King and maybe Backyard Burger, but I could be wrong about that.

My pick for a vegetarian burger would be Huey’s black bean burger. You can substitute a black bean patty for any burger on the menu and it’s excellent. It also has more of the same consistency as a real burger. Maybe not a hamburger, but it’s a pretty good substitution for a turkey burger, which is what I would get anyway.

If you think “vegetarian” means that I eat healthy, let me assure you, it does not. However, it does force you to at least think healthier and I do eat better than I used to but I won’t be winning any “healthiest eater” awards any time soon. I’m trying more vegetarian recipes and cooking with tofu and chick peas and other things that can be substituted for meat so not eating and not being able to find anything to eat has yet to be an issue for me, but I will eat anything. I love food and I will try anything so finding food is easy peasy. But, honestly, I have no idea how picky vegetarians find anything to eat. You have to be willing to eat anything if you are going to go without a huge food group like meat.  

So what other questions do you filthy meat eaters have for me?


The Mean Beene said...

I know you said are not eating healthy, but tofu is a processed food. Just an FYI.
Confession: I dislike BBQ but love BBQ sauce and the smell.

Stacey Garrett said...

Again, never said I was eating healthy. I eat the shit out of cheese and that is processed like a mother fucker. And I doubt that tofu is covered in chicken doodoo.

And I know that some people make their own tofu. It is more than likely super time consuming and expensive but I am thinking of looking into it.

I do love bbq sauce, I will admit. My first foray into tofu cooking was bbq tofu quesadillas and they were tasty.

Holly said...

I thought I was the only Memphian that didn't really like barbeque. I heart bbq sauce and will eat bbq if it is the only option, but I do not really like it.

Stacey, I almost gagged at your description of ham. Confession: I like deli ham (not the gross thick cuts).

I am blissfully unaware of all of the other atrocities that I eat.

Stacey Garrett said...

Holly, that is how gross ham is to me. And bbq is gross. Back in the day I had bbqd beef brisket and it was much better than pork.

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