Friday, July 29, 2011

Just saying...

There is nothing more condescending to an atheist than the phrase, "I am praying for you."

Also, you cannot call yourself an atheist and then ask for prayers. You're making us all look bad and yourself look real stupid.

Fucking Juice, How does it work?

This is where I tell everyone what I plan on doing for the next few weeks/ months/ whatever and everyone reads politely while simultaneously taking bets with themselves on how long I am going to stick with this before I grow tired of it. A day, a week, years, who the hell knows? 

But yeah, juicing (not steroids). Ever heard of it?

I watch too many documentaries about food. One that was brought to my attention recently: Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead. 

The premise: an overweight guy (not fully American if you can believe it, yay America!) is basically experiencing all kinds of diseases and terrible things so he goes on a 60 day juice detox/ fast to try and reprogram his system. Rebooting with micronutrients (Google it)! It involves a lot more than that, but if you are that interested, it’s on Netflix Instant. But the basics: drink juice, feel better. And who doesn’t want to feel better?

Do I feel like shit? No, I don’t. I noticed a significant change in the way I felt after giving up meat over a year ago so I feel pretty OK. In the documentary, dude wants to get off prednisone so he starts juicing for two months and he eventually gets healthy enough to where he doesn’t need to take it anymore. I don’t take any daily medications or anything as I have no need but I get headaches, I am dizzy a lot thanks to that rat-bastard vertigo and I feel like I am tired all the time. So I guess I could stand to feel better, so why not give a juice fast a try, right?

Now I watched this documentary and was not, in any way, planning on juicing. But the argument to do this is a pretty valid one. I have said before that I may be a vegetarian but I am not a healthy eating vegetarian so why not give that a shot? Also, it might help me lose weight! In the movie, he lost 90 lbs in 6 months on a two month juice fast and then by eating healthy for the following four months. I am nowhere near as big as he was and if I lost 90 lbs, I’d be dead but I have to think I will lose something, right?

Look how happy they look!!

It has also been called to my attention from my many, many IG fans (three) that I have not blogged in, like, forever so guess what is about to happen…

Yeah so I am going to blog about this. Someone out there might want to know how it is going, so why not fill them in.

What juicing blog posts will look like:

Concerns:  Is some shit going down in my body that I am not aware of? Am I pretty sure I am going to die from starvation? Am I seeing things not there (or am I seeing things that have always been there but never saw until l now???...)?

Bowel Movements: Every bit of info I have read on juicing says the same thing, “Shitting is an experience” so I am going to share that experience with you in the vaguest terms possible. “Within 30 minutes from the first glass” is what I hear…

So how are you doing on that juice thing?: Why don’t you just read the blog, duh! No but I will fill everyone in on how I am doing, etc.

Mood: As everyone knows, I love sugar. Love it more than a grown ass lady should. I have attempted to give it up before and I did not last long so this should be real interesting. Will I want to gouge the eyes out of everyone I see? More than likely. Would I cut a bitch for a KitKat? Probably, time is going to tell on that one.

Hunger: I feel like I am going to be hungry as all hell but from what I have read if you give it a few days, the hunger goes away. I don’t know, we will see and I will let you know. I may be on a Japanese paper diet before long.

Caffeine deprivation: I have some form of caffeinated beverage every day. Caffeine headaches are not my favorite but, according to the internet, I can cure a headache with carrot, lettuce and celery juice so maybe I won’t have an issue?

Energy: Will I have any? From what I have gathered it takes a few days to really get your energy going.
I have a feeling the first few days are going to be a hell bitch from hell. But maybe not? Keep reading every day to find out!

I am not doing this alone, either so that may help with my sticking with it. Michael* is going 30 days and I plan on going two weeks. I may go longer it just depends how I feel and 30 days seems like the longest amount of time ever. So yeah, we are starting our juice fast on Saturday morning (we felt it was a pretty solid idea to stay close to home the first few days for obvious reasons). And then we will see where it takes us from there.

So juice fast. Starting Saturday, July 30th.  I drink nothing but juice for two weeks (maybe longer) and I blog about it. Everyone wins! Stay tuned! No really. Read my blog. Kthanksbye! 

* Why is Michael doing this, aka a vaIid reason: “I’m really doing it to help jumpstart my diet. Right now I’m eating too much junk and rarely anything with substantial amounts of nutrients. I’m hoping between reducing my sodium intake drastically, getting the correct nutrients, and losing some weight that eventually I might be able to get my blood pressure down enough to not take meds for it. There are other reasons too though. It supposedly helps you sleep better, clears your skin up and gives you more energy. So yeah, all that too.”

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

I'm going away like this...but then I'll come back like this...

It has been brought to my attention lately from a shocking number of people (one) that I haven’t been blogging lately. And to that I say: “…Duh.”

I am lacking a little something called “motivation.” Oh and also, “something to write about.” Well something to write about that someone out there might want to read, it’s pretty tricky. Seriously. Writer’s block is no joke.

“Oh Stacey, how can you have writer’s block when you only write a super shitty turd of a blog?”

I assure you that writer’s block doesn’t discriminate. Turd or no turd, it’s there and it blows. And it also makes you think that everything you do write down is horseshit but that might just be because it is horseshit???

I am working on a few different things right now and trying to at flesh them out a little before I post. To see if I can actually get some form of content going. They may never see the light of day but know that one day I will be back with something. Not sure if it will be “content” but who wants that?

The reasons I started this blog are pretty simple and in order of my priorites:

  1. Writing practice.
  2. Entertaining myself.
  3. Cataloging memories (they are going quickly, people…old age = mother fucker).
  4. Entertaining others.
  5. Internet fame.
  6. Love and respect.
So really if I gave my blog any kind of content*, I wouldn’t be keeping it real.  I call it garbage because it’s a whole bunch of shit that no one really pays a whole lot of attention to. Giving it content would be like making Family Guy original; it might be worth the effort but the people that watch that piece of shit wouldn’t notice any way. If a tree falls in the woods does anyone who has something better to do going to give a fuck? No. You see where I am going (you probably don’t)…

So anyhoozle, I will be gone for a while but I will be back. Maybe if I get a little pissy like last time I just don’t want to start bitching constantly on the internet. I try and not complain (I do try, I swear) so much as I don’t have all that much to complain about at the moment. And I have been reminded time and time again that that is what the internet is for; complaining. But yeah.

So this is me going on…hiatus? Is it a hiatus when no one is paying attention? Does it even matter? No. If you are reading, thank you! You guys are awesome. Check back later! If you aren’t reading then you will never see this so I will take this time to tell you that everyone hates your guts. You are no fun and have no sense of humor and your friends only pretend to like you…just sayin…

* Here is where I ask for suggestions from everyone on what you would like my “content” to be and here is also where everyone ignores them.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

TWOF Special Report: Casey Anthony

As it was said to me, moments ago, by the great DP, “Facebook mad. This Casey Anthony shit.  All of FB is just one big U MAD? right now.” I could not agree more. Yay for a current and culturally relevant (sorta) blog topic! Go me!

Now if everyone could just STFU and CTFD while we have yet another talk

Yes, I understand me expressing that I am annoyed with people being pissy on facebook is totes the same thing as people expressing their pissiness of the verdict, don’t think I don’t see that. I am very self aware. But also I feel my annoyance is a little more…genuine??? Not as retarded??? I don’t know…

You see I checked Facebook minutes after the verdict was given to see who would be the first person to beat everyone to the punch and get their first Casey Anthony furious status up and you people did NOT disappoint. However, what I didn’t expect was to be eye-raped by outraged morons at the legal system or as one uber-dumbass put it, “Justus System” and the threats of god’s will for Casey Anthony to one day be dealt with were just too much (you know that awesome will of his that saved small children from being (maybe) killed by their mother…oh wait…).

Let’s all take a look at what FB had in store of us, shall we:

How can she not be guilty?!

I have to believe that a higher power will judge her one day.

The Justus system has failed the American People once again

Karma is a bitch, Casey Anthony.

Speechless, what is wrong with people?

The only thing the girl is guilty of is lying to a polica officer!! UNBELIEVABLE!

Sick to my stomach now

I am so shocked that she was acquitted, there is no acquittal in hell.

Very sad day for our jury system (what?)

As DP put it, people are acting like it is their own child when, well, it’s just not. As sad as it is that a child is dead, I hate to break it to everyone, but children die every day, just ask god. And you feel sick? Really? In what monumental way has this entire case fucked up your life to where you just feel sick? Not only do children die every day, but guilty people also get off every day. Happens every mother fucking day. Where is your outrage then? Are you currently following all child murder cases or just the sort of interesting ones?

So while people are more than welcome to post their opinions on facebook (is it their facebook for them to put whatever they want on it) don’t get all pissy and butt-hurt when someone calls you a moron for being on a soap box you not only know nothing about but won’t care about in a few weeks or, if we are being honest here, days. Giving a fuck about the end of a controversial trial about people I don’t know in a state that I don’t live in is probably a bigger waste of time than me writing this blog, but if I am not here to give you a blog-side-eye, who will????

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Random Dumbassery

So a lot of people tell me that my sister and I look identical...personally I don't see it which is why there are that many people that tell me we look nothing alike. So it's a draw, really.

We also act nothing alike and I think that is something everyone can safely agree on. But there are small things here and there when I go, "yeah, that is for sure my sister." Like this morning she was eating chocolate chip cookies for breakfast. That = my sister.


She is cleaning the house now and listening to Justin Bieber so...I guess we are back to it being a draw.

Friday, July 1, 2011

“Your blog has sucked since you turned 30”

Pic has nothing to do with anything, but how cute?

I apologize for lack of posts lately, if anyone out there is paying attention. I have made a few very great discoveries over the past few days, like Netflix on your iPhone so I have been doing that while simultaneously doing work. Turns out you actually CAN watch TV and do my job effectively. Seriously. I have been on task like a mother fucker. Maybe since turning 30 I have finally decided to be mature in my career (career, lulz) but maybe describing my work ethic as of late with “mother fucker” might negate all maturity I just earned. Though if you all knew I was watching South Park all day…you know what? Nevermind. Moving on.

I wish I had more to post, and also a girl who looked good I would call her...

I also haven’t been posting because my computer is terrible and I am waiting on a new one. This computer now makes posting anything a huge hassle and, for some reason, I am also not able to post comments of my own so I haven’t been able to reply to anybody for a while. And, to be honest, I really hate being on a computer when I leave work because I sit on one all day long and it gets tiresome. So yeah. My blogging has sucked lately and as one reader said, “Your blog has sucked since you turned 30,” and I could not agree more. It has and I apologize. But I am working on a lot of stuff, I just haven’t finished any of it and have had zero motivation. Also, I am working on a post right now that will be up later, so you’re welcome.

Also TWOF may or may not come today or I may just combine it together with next weeks. I have this week’s statuses and such already but there isn’t that much and I feel I need more to justify a whole post. So look for it next week. But next weeks will be a good one, I promise.

Anyhoodle, thanks for reading, if you are. And I will be back later. And also...

What? Sorry...