My god, there's not enough salt in the world for her.

In honor of one of my favorite shows coming back to television tonight I will base this blog on that, because that is how excited I am (haters move aside):

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

As I have said before, this is not a show for everyone. It’s highly offensive to women, children, waitresses, black people, white people, fat people, old people, ugly people, dyslexic people, hippies, the homeless, incest survivors, Catholics, Germans, Hispanics, the Irish, Koreans, Sinbad, you name it, really. If there is a group of people alive that haven’t been directly insulted by this show, please wait. It’s coming, I assure you.

So why, you ask, is this show still on the air and it hasn’t been boycotted by the Christian collation and the DVD’s haven’t been burned by religious extremists? I think that a lot of people either don’t know that this show exists and if they did, they probably figure that no one watches it anyway. That, and not one character on this show has any redeeming qualities. Not a one.

Hi. I'm a recovering crack head. This is my retarded sister that I take care of. I'd like some welfare, please. – Dennis Reynolds

The premise of the show is pretty simple: The five worst people in America own a bar. A shitty bar that was voted the worst bar in Philadelphia. Obviously, they don’t make much money from this bar so the majority of their days are spent attempting to acquire money and/ or fame through murder, hostile takeovers, sexual memoirs, selling Nazi memorabilia, getting set on fire, dancing in diapers on public access television, selling gasoline and committing sundry other atrocities to the human race. All in the name of fame and fortune, which none of them ever get. And though they never get the riches they feel they deserve, they also never have to pay any form of consequences for any of their actions.

Cannibalism? Racism? Dude that's not for us...those decisions are better left to the suits in Washington. We're just here to eat some dude! - Charlie

They also drink and swear a lot which endears them to me. There is also a fair amount of glue huffing and every character has been addicted to something throughout the history of the show, be it steroids, crack, cocaine or human meat. And even though they are drunken swearing assholes with a predilection towards addiction, I love each of them. Plus they have one of the best recurring characters of any show ever…

Artemis. Hands down, amazing. If you need proof of this, I need to refer you to the episode titled, “Who Pooped the Bed?” Yes, it was an entire show solving a mystery of who pooped the bed in the middle of the night. And it was AWESOME. And Artemis is actually her real name and I find that gnarly.

Hi! Name's Artemis... I have a bleached asshole... Im gonna take my bra off, blast my nips. - Artemis

And, yes, it is very low brow humor. It’s stupid comedy at it’s stupidest. No one is going to think you are smart or witty for “getting” this show because there is nothing to get. What you see is all that there is. Garrett even cracks up at this show and he is five! (Yes, I know I shouldn’t be letting a toddler watch this profane show but I can’t always turn the TV off every time he comes into the room. If he picks up a few choice words or phrases from it, so be it. I promise you it is nothing that he hasn’t heard slip out of my mouth a time or two.)

So go ahead and either pop that shirt off or suit up as Greenman and watch Sunny, tonight at 9:00 on FX. Please and thank you. You won’t regret it. And, no, you don’t have to watch any of the previous episodes to know what is going on. I think you are overestimating the quality of this show…