This Week on Facebook*

Need an explanation as to what this is? Check back for Asshole Monday!

Before I get to the fuckery that was my news feed this week let me address something quickly, I would have made it a status but then I would be doing the very thing I hate on FB. Look: I say the word “fuck” a lot. It’s one of my all time favorite fucking words. I fucking love it. I mean, fuck. It has been brought to my fucking attention a few times here and there that I say it too fucking much and that maybe I need to keep it off fucking facebook. My answer to that: fuck no. It’s my fucking facebook where I am free to fucking say whatever the fuck I want and if you don’t fucking like it, there is a hide feature and your virginal eyes will never, ever see my profanity ever again unless you want. If that doesn’t appeal to you, you can always delete me all together. I am pretty sure if you are overly offended by the word “fuck” we aren’t that good of friends anyway because you are a fucking prude.  So I will continue to fucking use the word “fuck” on a dumbass social networking site that is used to kill time, sow imaginary fucking crops and stalk people and you can go ahead and continue on sucking at life. End of fucking rant. Moving the fuck on…

This link was posted the other day. I did chuckle a bit at it, but it begs the question: Think of how many random pics you see all the time on the World Wide Web…how many of them are people dressed up randomly and doing every day activities??? It’s a lot, no? Do people just drive around to tackle the days tasks with their cosplay stuff in the backseat? Can anyone expand on this?

I am very happy for people who are in relationships or whatever. If you find something in this world that makes you happy, by all means, go do that. But if you could do me a small, miniscule favor…enough with the fb pictures of the two of you molesting each other. It isn’t cute or heartfelt or sweet or romantic, it is annoying, very gross and a large display of fake-love dumbassery. If it is something you must do, go for it. Post a kissy-face picture here and there if you must but I don’t need an album of 23 photos of nothing but you and your SO taking “candids” of the two of you canoodling. It’s too much and you look like 12-year-old Twi-hards with their first camera.  Quit it.

I don’t even…if anyone can tell me what this is, what it is saying and why it was a Facebook status I will treat you to a falafel:  Angels are the guardians of hope & wonder,the keepers of magic & dreams.Wherever there is love,an angel is flying by.Ur guardian angel knows u inside & out & loves u just the way u are.Remember to leave space in ur relantionship so the angels have room to play.Ur guardian angels help u find a place when u feel like there is no place to go.Angels are with u every step of the way & help u soar with with grace.

And then there is this: There comes a point in your life when FUN no longer means bar hopping, clubbing, being out til 4am or drinking too much. It means movies, family dinners, kids athletic events, bedtime stories, and 9pm bedtimes. Becoming a parent doesn't change you, it makes you realize that the little people you created deserve the best of your free time! Re-post this if you are PROUD to be a parent and LOVE your life  -- to the many, many parents that I am friends with on facebook you should all be ASHAMED of yourselves! Since I saw none of you repost this, you obviously hate and are embarrassed by your children and you spend your days clubbing and bar-hopping because apparently you live in a 50 Cent video from 2003. You are all truly terrible parents. If you aren’t having family fun with your children, then you are an immature dickhead and I should be calling child services on all of you.

Do what now?? im in sorrysota biotches where is everyone LOL?? ill be here for hour or 2 .. hangin with my dawgs heheh...come find mez lovez yall MUAH im at library ;) – if this person is at the library I suggest they start in the reference section with a dictionary.

I have said it once and I will say it again, Jesus does not have a facebook and it doesn’t matter to him what your status says: I believe in Jesus Christ and have accepted him as my personal Savior. One facebooker has challenged all believers to put this on their wall. In the Bible it says, if you deny me in front of your peers, I will deny you in front of my Father at the gates of Heaven. This is simple…if you Love God and you are not afraid to show it, repost this. Just copy and paste…No shame here. So there you have it. If you are a Christian and you have yet to make this your status, you are going to burn in hell, that sucks for you, bro…

Facebook Statuses Done Right (FYI, if I happen to “like” any of your statuses, it probably means I copied and pasted it to post on my winning blog, so feel cool):

- Happy birthday to my beautiful chocolate princess, Colin Powell. Also, to my wife. But mostly Colin.

- Anyone else feel like getting your ass handed to you in Words With Friends? I'm like Mike Tyson in his prime, assuming Mike Tyson beat people up with the alphabet

- i swear to god if there is a flashing yellow light on sycamore view today, and these retards stop at it, i may end up on the news tonight.

- Sitting in a gown just makes me feel like a tranny. A very unsexy one at that

- Since my friend Ken is stuck in Atlanta I asked him what the future is like? His response: you can eat wild berries and transform into a pedophile...... I would have to say this is better/funnier than a conversation you would have with your child.

- I have no idea why I bought peanut butter, I don't even have a dog.

- Living next to a fire station would be a lot cooler if they had Ghostbuster sirens...

- I'm going to have 105 (say it with me) 105 fifth graders on the plane this morning...taking a deep breath now

If anyone has any FB Fuckery on their news feed that they would like to share, send it on.

Last week on Facebook

*I think I am going to move this to Thursday from now on because it's my blog and I can do whatever I want.

You're Welcome Theater*: Slither

Okay so you know those movies that you can watch any time? They are your favorites and no matter how many times you have seen them, you can still sit and watch it. Whether it comes on TV or it’s a DVD or whatever, it’s a movie that you always enjoy? I have a lot of these movies and a number of them I am sure that lots of people have never seen. So from now on, here and there, I will be reviewing these movies. Well reviewing and basically gushing about how awesome they are and how everyone should watch them to better humanity. So here we go. First up, Slither.  

“My easy-going nature is gettin’ sorely fuckin’ tested.”

When I tell people that Slither is one of my all-time favorite movies I get the same reaction every time: “Really???”  Yes. Really. The story is preposterous, the plot is littered with holes, and it’s disgusting. It’s the second most disgusting movie I have ever seen (the first: Gummo) and that is saying a lot. I tend to be drawn to movies with gore and blood and guts but this one takes the cake in disgustingness. But it is also funny, entertaining, well-acted, well-written and all-around awesome and so much fun. To put it in over-used terms of the modern day, this movie is WINNING. Duh.

“If I weren’t about to shit my pants right now, I’d be fucking fascinated.”

And (!) Nathan Fillion is in it. The man can do no wrong. If an actor was ever in an episode of Buffy (or the lesser loved, Angel), that gets you a certain pass from me and I will like you in whatever you appear in.

Here is the story, but the story really doesn’t matter: Grant Grant (yes, that is his name) is a dickhead.  One night his much younger and much hotter wife, Starla (Elizabeth Banks), refuses his sexual advances and since he is just a colossal cunt waffle, he goes out to the local bar and picks up the town skank. Now, I am not one to say that women can’t have casual sex like men or that women who have numerous sexual partners are sluts, but if you saw the movie and the bar-rat that I am speaking of, you would call her a skank as well.  Grant picks up Town Skank and despite the restrooms, janitor’s closets, bar stools and vehicle backseats that could be occupied in order to get a piece of strange, they choose the woods to get it on. While they are in the woods, Grant finds the meteor that landed in the woods moments earlier and, since this is a bad horror flick, he pokes the meteor with a stick. A parasite bug looking-thing jumps out of the meteor and Grant is then infected with a parasite that will eventually turn him into a squid-like telepathic alien with phallic leprosy and a taste for household pets. How fun, right???

“He looks like something that fell off my dick during the war.”

After Grant infests Town Skank with his alien-slug babies, he disappears leaving the town sheriff (Fillion) and a slew of other hilarious townsfolk to hunt him down to stop him from mutilating livestock and from then on everything goes to shit, as you would expect. You see the townsfolk that look like they really do belong in some Podunk-ass town and you can’t help but think to yourself, “Wow, you are all so dead…” Did I spoil anything by telling you that mostly everyone will be dead? No. You should have known that already. It’s a movie about alien slugs attacking a town and turning everyone into zombies, what did you expect?

“Praise Jesus?! That’s fucking pushing it! This shit’s about as far from God as shit can get! Either of you ever seen anything like that? You even heard of anything like that? Huh? Me neither. And I watch Animal Planet all the fucking time!”

If you like funny, gross, ridiculous “horror” movies you will not go wrong by watching Slither. Back when I had movie channels, they would play it on Showtime (I think) a lot and I would re-watch over and over again thanks to the beauty of DVR. I have since purchased the movie for all of $4.00 from Best Buy a few years ago and I have no shame in saying that I would have paid much more. So go watch it. If you don’t like it or even chuckle here and there during the movie, is probably means that you have terrible taste in all media and it’s just not a film for you. For everyone else, you guys are cool! Stick around, I have many other gems to tell you all about.

Age I would let my nephews watch this: I would be lying if I said Garrett hadn’t already seen bits and pieces of it, but they shouldn’t be able to watch it until they are at least 12. I think 12 is good. It’s not scary in the least but it’s very gross and insanely vulgar. After the opening credits the first words spoken are “Move the fuck out of the way, cocksucker.” And that is where Garrett learned the term “cocksucker.” That is also where I made him stop watching.

*working title, taking suggestions.

We Like to Express Ourselves Around Here

Everything you are about to read happened in an eight-hour time span. You are about to read about Garrett and Whitman's Day of Terror. Please do not let this one day deter you from thinking these are the sweetest, coolest two boys alive, I assure you that they are but sometimes they have these moments that instill the sense of baffling fear an awe-inspiring pride. I call these moments: Hilarious. That's all.

It is impossible to keep an eye on small children constantly, especially when these two children happen to be brothers that are 18 months apart in age. When they were babies, they never got into anything. Even when they learned to walk or crawl, they only played with things they were allowed to play with. We have never had any crayon drawings on the walls or broken lamps or shattered glass or anything else that toddlers tend to fuck with that they have no business being around. They always kept to their own stuff. And I honestly don't mind giving them their privacy. They are very young but that doesn't mean they don't deserve some times to themselves, right? So I like to give them their space and if they need me, they will let me know. But I always check on them. We do a "Marco Polo" kind of thing every ten minutes or so just to make sure everything is kosher. A surefire way to know when these two are up to no good is to listen. If you hear nothing, you had better go check. Immediately.

We are a fan of gummy vitamins. We like gummy bears and if you put vitamins in a gummy bear why would you not eat it? That just seems silly. The label on the vitamins very specifically says “Keep out of reach of children” for obvious reasons. It’s a jar of gummy bears, duh. I gave Whitman his two allotted gummy vitamins for the day and put the jar back.

I left them to their action figures and playing "Star Wars Clone Wars" which is basically just the both of them beating the shit out of each other with plastic light sabers (if you call them "swords" around here, you get an ass-chewing). They were fine and I could hear them fighting and trying to decide who would be "Obi Wan" and who would be "Alligator" (Whitman calls Darth Vader "Alligator", cutest thing ever). And then I heard nothing for a second. I went downstairs to check on them and Whitman had a nearly empty jar of gummy vitamins in his hand. I asked who ate them, they both know they only get two, and Garrett confessed. He ate about 60 gummy vitamins when the dosage for adults and children is two a day.

If anyone was wondering what happens to a small child when they ingest way too many gummy vitamins, the answer is: nothing. I wouldn’t recommend it because I was fearful for his health for a second there but he lived through it without a stomach ache or whatever.

I checked on them a few more times and about the fourth check-in of the day I went into their room and saw this:

I thought this was some sort of misguided crafty project that Christy did with the boys Sunday morning, it was not.

While I was sleeping Sunday Morning (I got up around 10:45, which is earlier than I would have liked) and while Christy and Ron were outside painting, the boys were going through the kitchen drawers, collecting sharp kabob skewers, stealing two oranges and one apple out of the fridge, cutting that apple in half with something (I am guessing a knife, we have yet to find said knife), skewering the oranges and half an apple and hanging them around their room. No adult had any hand in any of this and they did it without anyone knowing.

I thought Christy, admiring their creativity, hung up their fruit art as a source of pride for her children, no no. They got it up there on their own…somehow. Christy even asked them what the purpose was of this nice display of produce and creative toddler fuckery and Garrett replied “It looked like it needed something there.” Something meaning: stabby fruit art.

I was one part horrified they could have seriously injured themselves from not only cutting the apple in half but stabbing the fruit repeatedly and with a certain amount of force with admittedly sharp skewers. And I was also one part proud of them for choosing to express themselves so oddly. Where did they even get the idea?

I swear I would never let them watch The Blair Witch Project. That was the first thing that came to my mind, but they haven't seen it and I wouldn't let them until they were at least 10.

After taking the pictures Garrett asked me if I was going to take it down and I replied that I wasn't and he said "Thank you, Stacey!" and he did a little dance since he got to keep his bit of artistic expression. So funny. So sweet. He was very proud of...whatever it was that he did...

So proud that he and Whtiman wanted to put something else together for me. So I had to go my room and wait to be called upon. Garrett had the bathroom. Basically he just set all of his action figures and Bakugan dumbassery on the bathroom sink and he told me, "Hey, if you brush your teeth can you try not to knock these over and if you do can you put them back?

Whitman his his room and he just piled his action figures on a table and showed them to me. He's simple but classic.

And, of course, he is showing me his toys and picking his nose. Hey Whit! When you are old enough to read this you will see that I had pictures of you picking your nose for the entire world to see. Sorry (I am not, you know better than that).

I finally corraled them both into my room to play Angry Birds on my phone. They both sat there quietly for a while until Garrett got up to pee. It took him a  while but he gets side-tracked from time to time. He wasn’t gone for five minutes, I mean that. He obviously had this idea in his head and he waited to go execute it while I was occupied. Kid's a genius. He comes back from the bathroom with a water bottle in his hand that he had all day. He holds the bottle up to Whitman's nose and tells him to smell it. I immediately put my hand up to shield Whitman from whatever was going to come out of that bottle which would have been piss. Yes. Garrett went and pissed in a water bottle and brought it back to Whitman. He thought it was hysterical. I was trying my hardest to stifle my own laughter but I held it together. I stayed strong!

Later on they were in the guest room/ office and Garrett now knows how to open up iTunes and play Big Time Rush on a continuous loop. He was in plain sight listening to the music and jamming out when Whitman was quiet and no where to be seen. He was hiding in the closet doing this:

Ron has one of those stamp thingys that stamps your return address on your mail because he’s fancy. I have absolutely no clue what this type of stamp is called but it’s one of those that if you push down and it flips around and stamps whatever for you.  Whitman found  it and covered himself with it. Because why wouldn't he? However, this might, sort of, be my fault.

Whitman and I like to look at tattoos together. I read a lot of tattoo blogs and I like to look at them in general and Whitman joins me most of the time. He will sit in my lap and we will look at pretty tattoos while he tells me what he would like for me to get (mostly Power Rangers and Storm Troopers) and he comments on which ones he finds "awesome." He sees my tattoos and he still can't quite grasp that they are never, ever coming off. He loves temporary tattoos and he also likes to draw on himself and call it a tattoo, so when a child finds a rubber stamp that looks not unlike a tattoo, of course he is going to cover himself in it, right?  It makes sense to me!

Needless to say, Whitman went to school with his address on his face today. It wasn't coming off easily.

But look at how much fun he had with it? I had little chance of keeping the hysterical laughter to myself any longer so I pretty much died at this point. 

At this point during the day I was both exhausted and vigilant. Under no circumstances were they to get another one over on me. Not a chance. So I watched them like a hawk and, of course since a half-assed adult was in the room, they were perfect angels. Of course I can't exactly say that if they hadn't come to me first and presented each of their ideas to me beforehand I wouldn't have worked something out with them in compromise. If Garrett could logically have told me that he was going to piss in a water bottle and that it was a good idea for some reason, I would  have heard him out at least. I mean, come on, I am reasonable...

 

 

 

 

 

 

Asshole Monday: Weddings

I just can't with any of this...

As we all know, I am not one to turn down a blog idea. If someone actually takes time out of their day to send me an email or text or chat or whatever, I will happily look it over and more than likely it will be a blog, I love my fans, what can I say? (If you have an asshole for Asshole Monday, please send them here.)

Today’s Asshole Monday is one of those suggestions.

I have a small confession to make, I hate going to weddings. It is one of my least favorite things ever. But I go because I feel like I have to. You went to the trouble of finding my address and writing it down on an envelope. My name is on a guest list somewhere and I say in all honesty, I am touched, seriously. You thought enough about me to invite me and weddings are not cheap so if you thought enough about me to not only invite me but to pay for me to eat and drink, I am going. It is the least that I can do. However, I probably don’t want to be there. No offense to you or your wonderful husband/ wife whatever, I just hate weddings. It’s not you, it’s me. And I won’t say that once I get to your wedding, I won’t have a blast. It’s just getting there and actually going that I dread. I am an awful person, this is not news.

Look. I was married once upon a time and I am sure I was an annoying bride, I honestly have no idea and I have tried my hardest to mentally block out of all my super annoying tendencies back in the day and that was also some years ago so we will go ahead and say now that I was probably a huge douchebag about it, I have no doubt (and please no one remind me of how I was around the time of my wedding, I assure you, I do not want to know). We all have our moments. But I do know one thing, my wedding was fun and I only judge that by everyone being drunk and everyone dancing like complete morons. That, my friends, is the make of a great wedding (to me, at least).

Brides, I have something to tell you. It may sting, in fact it may sting a lot, but I have to say it now…No one cares about your wedding. Sure, your close friends and family absolutely care. I am sure it is a great day for everyone close to you and that many, many people are very happy for you as well they should be, but those details you care so much about…no one gives a fuck. And unless your wedding was one of the handful of monumentally awesome weddings that I have been to of my close friends, I am not going to remember hardly anything about it.

Planning a wedding is super stressful and if I hadn’t had a very competent friend to help me with virtually everything, I would have been far worse than I actually was so I don’t blame you girls for being such assholes about your wedding. But all that shit your are stressing about…no one cares. Let me list now for you a few of the things that you can forget about right now that NO ONE will notice, remember or care about:

-         Your bridesmaids: Yes, they are your friends, family, etc and you love them dearly and I am sure they are all honored to be standing up there with you. But as far as their hair/ make-up/ accessories/ shoes/ dress color/ dress style/ dress length, no one cares and no one is going to notice. Put those bitches in a black dress and call it a day. They will thank you later.

-         The music accompanying your ceremony: I could not tell you one song that was played at any wedding ceremony that I have ever been to. Ever. The music, and kinda the ceremony as a whole, goes in one ear and out the other. You could play anything and I wouldn’t care, mind or notice. As far as the reception goes, go ahead and play Sir Mix A-Lot and let’s all go on about our day.

-         Flowers, much like the music are insanely forgetful: I couldn’t tell you about one flower arrangement or one bouquet I have ever held. Never. Flowers? What are those?

That is just the tip of the pointless wedding iceberg, but I think I touched on the main ones.

Let me break it down for you friends, and I am being completely honest and sincere, if you want a successful wedding and you want everyone to have a good time and look back on your wedding fondly I have the one and only suggestion that you will ever need to hear. Forget about the wedding favors, and the sparklers, and the bridesmaids’ dresses, and the bubbles and every other thing that no one will care about or remember. There is just one thing that you need to have and everyone will be happy, and that thing is: An open bar. Trust me. It’s worth the money. It is the ONLY thing at a wedding that is worth the money. Open. Bar. Take that to the bank. Everyone will thank you later, I promise.

Site Maintenace (aka. no one cares)

Okay, I had an old blog while I was unemployed/ married/ super bored a few years back so I am adding all of those old blogs to this new one. There weren't that many. I got bored with it easily and and I stopped posting after a few months so if you see a few posts here and there and you are all "What? Huh?" it is because I added the old ones so we can have everything in one place all nice and respectable like.

If anyone has a considerable amount of time to kill, you can find them all under the 2009 heading on the right.

You are all welcome and, please, enjoy your weekend.

This week on Facebook

It's a ketchup packet that you can either dip or squeeze = Genius

I am not sure what it was with this week but I have quite a few kick-ass statuses for you all. Also I am going to start elaborating on posts that I either find awesome or utterly ridiculous.

If anyone has anything on their Facebook that they would like me to feature be it; funny statuses, misspelled words, bad grammar, emotional bullshit, religious ridiculousness, please let me know and I will be happy to add it on. Just copy and paste and it send it here. Thank you! I have the best readers, EVER. All 12 of you!

C-Dav is straight up killing it on the FB comments lately. This was a comment on Asshole Monday about my hatred of True Blood and it was spot-on: “It’s like a soft-porny version if a Tales from the Crypt straight to video movie.”  

"It's Fried Cod Friday at the work cafeteria! How excited am I?" - This was a status last week from someone else that works in this building. We have a cafeteria here that I refuse to go to. Everyone that knows me knows that I do not do buffets and, to me least, a cafeteria is not unlike a buffet. The menu choices are questionable to say the least. We get a menu every morning and usually there is at least one thing where I am like “Huh?” Like last week there was a “seafood sandwich.” Do what, now? What does that entail exactly? It baffles the mind.

I was given the hint this week to go check out a certain person’s FB page because she was reviewing and unloading her religious book choices for the week. That is all well and good if you would like to offer opinion on any sort of book, I have no issue with that. But upon further inspection of this person’s profile her favorite activities are “Exercising” and “Going to church.” To me, listing “going to church” as your favorite activities is like listing “The Bible” as your favorite book. Is it really? Do you sit and read the Bible in your free time? Come on, now. Who are you trying to look good to? God does not have a Facebook, I checked.

Here was a pretty good status: “Top ten words I am bringing back 1. Rad  2. Bitchin 3. Gnarly  4. Cool beans(already use constantly) 5. Hella  6. Righteous 7. Bodacious 8. Gleaming 9. The 10. Cube. I am a trend setter and it reminds me of better times.” - I had never heard of the movie "Gleaming the Cube" but that was the second reference to it that I heard in a week from Facebook. I am told it is a “skateboarding revenge flick” Well, I just don’t know how a movie like that could be bad…

Your awesome statuses for the week:

Vague status about other people.

Just got to use a fire extinguisher for the first time....also need a new toaster oven.

Anyone want to hit the foam party at the rainbow church?

Dear Ambien, you have been failing me recently, taking two of you seems like a drug problem. Straighten up Ambien.... I want to dream of clouds and lollipops. - Thanks, your friend, Jason Snell

One way to die quick is to take a line of pollen off your car. So all you suicidal people there is your tip/hint for the day.

If those of you that play against me in Words With Friends had any idea how much shit I silently talk at you, we probably wouldn't be friends anymore.

I've seen two snakes at Shelby Farms around the lake. I'm done.

Will be speaking in bad Russian accent for the remainder of the day.

Last week on Facebook 

Keepers: Filthy Friday

Okay, here is the thing, the thing is this: I have been asking for people to send me links that they find helpful/ entertaining/ weird (mostly weird) so who am I to say that a certain link is too risqué? Why should I keep something from being posted? As I have said before (or as Mac from It’s Always Sunny has said before) “You can’t censor me, bro. I am kind of a badass.” So from here on out whatever you send me will be deemed appropriate. This is the internet, there is no such thing as too much or inappropriate.

This week on Keepers, we are just going to go full-on porno. Get this weekend started right. Everything is perfectly SFW (suitable for work) unless otherwise noted. And, come on now, this is the internet. What else should it be used for??? So I welcome you all to: Filthy Friday. Will every Friday be this way? Absolutely not. But if I ever have anything to say that is X-rated, I will keep it on Friday, how does that sound? Glad to hear it, onto your links, and thank you to everyone that sent something in, you disgusting pervs:

I don’t exactly know about all of this, but it’s on the internet so it must be true. The Top Ten Sexual Fantasies of Women. Whether I agree with all of them is neither here nor there and I will never tell you people anyway. 

I have posted parts of this series before because I find it entertaining. It’s the internet apocalypse, how could that not be entertaining? Anyhoodle, if there was no internet, then that means no internet porn. Ruh roh. 

Okay, we all know I love nerds and nerd culture but this may be pushing it a bit. Okay, a lot. This is sort of NSFW but it’s mostly just very, very weird. If you do open this at work, have your mouse handy to close-out with a quickness. 

Do you like to look at tattoos as much as I do? I thought to. Go here. You can and will thank me later. Be warned that there is a lot of naked ass on this site as there are a lot of traditional back pieces and a good bit of ass is involved in those, so if you can tough it out, it’s a good tattoo site.  

According to the tosh.o blog, SmoothGroove is a comfortable, hygienically safe and discreet to solution to camel toe. Or, you know, you could just wear looser pants. Either/ or.

Why can’t we transition from sex to yarn? I think we can and I just did. Yes this is the end of sexy-time links. 

My questions is, he has a girlfriend??? I don’t know what I find harder to believe, that this actually happened or that he had a girlfriend the whole time…

You’re welcome video of the week. I am sure a lot of you have seen this already but for those of you that  haven’t here is what everyone has been talking about. 

Old drunk dude dancing? Old drunk dude dancing. 

Well that is just the cutest little hair accessory I ever did see. And could make that for a lot cheaper. 

I don’t need this but I kinda want it. 

Yes, he is funny but The Sheen needs to die now. Immediately, in fact.  

I do not understand this new bacon fad. It seems like everywhere you turn, BACON! People do realized it is flayed pig fat, right?  

Here is an idea, don’t beat women. I have about had it up to here *holds hand high above head* with Chris Brown and his fuckery and this article summed up quite nicely a few things that I wanted to say. If you can’t say it any better, then borrow someone else’s rant, and here it is. Fuckface. 

If there is one thing that I know and love it is nail polish and this just sounds too good to be true. Does anyone know anywhere that does this in Memphis? 

Burrito Sushi. It sounds both intriguing and disgusting but it looks tasty, no? 

Are those cookies shaped like cupcakes?! My mind is both blown and at peace. 

Posts from this week:

He’ll Be Crushing Ass in No Time

Asshole Monday: A plethora of assholes

What Else Did I Have to Tell You?

What Have I Done?!

What the Fuck is a Rhombus?

Normalcy is Overrated 

Everyone enjoy your weekend. Until next time, my lovely assholes…