Friday, April 1, 2011

This week on Facebook

It's a ketchup packet that you can either dip or squeeze = Genius

I am not sure what it was with this week but I have quite a few kick-ass statuses for you all. Also I am going to start elaborating on posts that I either find awesome or utterly ridiculous.

If anyone has anything on their Facebook that they would like me to feature be it; funny statuses, misspelled words, bad grammar, emotional bullshit, religious ridiculousness, please let me know and I will be happy to add it on. Just copy and paste and it send it here. Thank you! I have the best readers, EVER. All 12 of you!

C-Dav is straight up killing it on the FB comments lately. This was a comment on Asshole Monday about my hatred of True Blood and it was spot-on: “It’s like a soft-porny version if a Tales from the Crypt straight to video movie.”  

"It's Fried Cod Friday at the work cafeteria! How excited am I?" - This was a status last week from someone else that works in this building. We have a cafeteria here that I refuse to go to. Everyone that knows me knows that I do not do buffets and, to me least, a cafeteria is not unlike a buffet. The menu choices are questionable to say the least. We get a menu every morning and usually there is at least one thing where I am like “Huh?” Like last week there was a “seafood sandwich.” Do what, now? What does that entail exactly? It baffles the mind.

I was given the hint this week to go check out a certain person’s FB page because she was reviewing and unloading her religious book choices for the week. That is all well and good if you would like to offer opinion on any sort of book, I have no issue with that. But upon further inspection of this person’s profile her favorite activities are “Exercising” and “Going to church.” To me, listing “going to church” as your favorite activities is like listing “The Bible” as your favorite book. Is it really? Do you sit and read the Bible in your free time? Come on, now. Who are you trying to look good to? God does not have a Facebook, I checked.

Here was a pretty good status: Top ten words I am bringing back 1. Rad  2. Bitchin 3. Gnarly  4. Cool beans(already use constantly) 5. Hella  6. Righteous 7. Bodacious 8. Gleaming 9. The 10. Cube. I am a trend setter and it reminds me of better times.” - I had never heard of the movie "Gleaming the Cube" but that was the second reference to it that I heard in a week from Facebook. I am told it is a “skateboarding revenge flick” Well, I just don’t know how a movie like that could be bad…

Your awesome statuses for the week:

Vague status about other people.

Just got to use a fire extinguisher for the first time....also need a new toaster oven.

Anyone want to hit the foam party at the rainbow church?

Dear Ambien, you have been failing me recently, taking two of you seems like a drug problem. Straighten up Ambien.... I want to dream of clouds and lollipops. - Thanks, your friend, Jason Snell

One way to die quick is to take a line of pollen off your car. So all you suicidal people there is your tip/hint for the day.

If those of you that play against me in Words With Friends had any idea how much shit I silently talk at you, we probably wouldn't be friends anymore.

I've seen two snakes at Shelby Farms around the lake. I'm done.

Will be speaking in bad Russian accent for the remainder of the day.


D.P. said...

Right?! How fuckin' brilliant is that ketchup thing?!

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