Monday, April 25, 2011

IG Outings: Carnival Foods Reviewed!

Carnival Food day was a pretty fucking good one, I will tell you that much. Carnival Food is on Germantown Pkwy by the Cordova Malco next to Humdingers (no clue as to what Humdingers is).

They have everything that you can find at the fair. If you like it at the fair, they have it. Be forewarned, the turkey leg has to be ordered ahead of time. I have no idea what they do to it that would cause it to be special ordered but it is and you do. Sherrie had an idea that they needed to declaw it first or "de-feet it"...get it? It was a good one. I laughed.

If you will all please take a look right here at everything that we ordered. That is two elephant ears, a funnel cake, a fried pickle and Sherrie got the special fair lemonade and I got boring old water. We didn't actually order two elephant ears. Sherrie ordered one and they had batter left over so they just gave us two, which, free food is always nice. And we still had to get our snow cones and I had a large bag of fresh-made-daily cotton candy that I had yet to pick out. I knew there was no way in hell we could finish all that shit and I also knew that no one should ever try and finish all that shit. We did our best.

I had never had an elephant ear before. I had heard about them but never seen one up close and in the wild. So it's like a funnel cake with a good bit of cinnamon and sugar on top. How fried dough topped with cinnamon and sugar could be bad, I do not know.

Upon further inspection and taste testing I will tell you all now that elephant ears are glorious. I can't believe I have gone 29 (not 30 yet, dickheads) years without having one of these. So good. It's like eating fried Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and that is probably the highest acclaim that most cinnamon-based desserts can get.

 It was good. And please note the close up in the right hand corner of the amount of powdered sugar they give you with your funnel cake. That thing was filled to the brim with the top on when we got it.

Mmmm...funnel cake... I mean, again, how wrong can you really go? Fried dough + powdered sugar = call it whatever, I am eating it.

Again, fucking tasty. It was crispy and chewy in all the right places and they give you enough powdered sugar to kill any diabetic just hanging out in the streets. It was good and it has been damn near a decade since I have had one and it was delicious.

Fried pickles!! Woot! I love fried pickles and everyone should. I limit my consumption usually because it's fried pickles, but I love them. They cut one of those huge fair pickles in half length-wise and then fry it and serve it with ranch. I was pumped as hell.

As you can see, it is a hulking big fried pickle.

I wouldn't call it the best fried pickle (Young Ave Deli) but it was pretty good. It is also a fried pickle for people that love pickles. It's a big pickle and you get more pickle taste than anything else so you have to really love pickles to like this one. I happen to love pickles so I liked it. However, the Ranch isn't homemade so I didn't dip it as much as I would have had it been homemade Ranch. It's just better and if you are going to splurge on Ranch, I want it to at least be good, you know?

Sherrie made a happy plate! She can now get her snow cone!

I chose a blue sno cone because I like blue stuff. If it is colored vibrant blue with no hint of natural anything, I like it and I want to ingest it.

The snow cone was... a snow cone. There is nothing more to say about chipped ice in a cup with sugar syrup. I prefer shaved ice because I am kind of bitchy like that so I wasn't a huge fan of the snow cone but it is huge and no child that was there that got a snow cone didn't like it so I am thinking it is a hit with most people with not as sophisticated a pallette as myself.

The cotton candy was amazeballs delicious. As I said earlier, they make it fresh so it doesn't have that slight synthetic flavor that you get with store bought brands (yes, I am being serious). It's melt in your mouth good, well more so than it already melts in your mouth. I got a big bag, I have it for less than 24 hours and it's almost gone...don't you judge me!

Like the theme of the restaurant, the prices were also carnival prices. It may not have been as expensive as it is at the fair but the total for everything we got was around $30.00 which is a lot when you didn't get any form of alcohol. But a family of four could have shared half the food we got and gotten out there in less than $20.00.

Sherrie and I were there for a while. Eating, talking, looking through a Sunnydale High yearbook... and while were there I can't even tell you how many kids piled in. There were kids everywhere and they were so excited to be there that every damn one of them was well behaved. It was amazing.

Everything is made fresh to order and nothing is frozen or pre-cooked. Everyone there was cool and friendly. They told us about this whole wristband deal they are going to do once a month. Something like if you go eat there, they will give you a wristband and you can go back on the 5th of every month with your wristband and they will give you something for free you just have to check what day it is. It could be free sno cones, free funnel cakes, whatever. It's free if you have eaten there before and gotten a wristband. Something like that. I could be wrong.

All in all, it was a pretty fun experience. I hate fairs with a fiery passion but I do like the food so it is good to know that you don't have to go through the fuckery that the fair provides. Would I eat here again? Yes but not for a very, very long time. And I would surely take the kids. I think they would love it.

But what about Sherrie? What did she think of Carnival Food? Well why don't we just let her tell it, shall we?

As you all know by now, because you're avid IG readers (and if you're not, fuck you), I accompanied your favorite blogger*  to Carnival Food on Saturday. We left no stone unturned. No food uneaten. No drink undrank. No seat unwet.

We arrived promptly at 2:30 pm (that's a lie, I was late as shit) and looked over the menu for all of 1 minute and 46 seconds before we both decided what to order. Truth be told, I think we both studied the menu online intensely several times in the last week or two in preparation for this spectacular mouth party. Stacey ordered a fried pickle, which unbeknownst to me is actually two fried pickles. The menu says Fried Pickle. Singular. Just one. But you get two! Props to them on the surprise pickle (if I had a dollar for every time I've said that). And they're whole pickles. Not the sliced up junk you get at Hooters. Served with a side of white stuff that I assume was ranch. We ordered a funnel cake to share (picture Lady and the Tramp, but with fried, sugary, dough noodles), snow cones for dessert, a side of cotton candy, and an elephant ear for me, which of course I planned to let Stacey gobble on if she wanted to.

Sharing of elephant ears was not needed however, as we ended up with an extra elephant ear, and I did not complain one bit. The two elephant ears and pickles arrived first. I wish we'd had a stop watch to time how long it took me to dive in, as well as how long it took me to finish the entire thing. I wasn't even thinking ahead about the beautiful funnel cake on its way. I was just happy to have something fried and covered in sugar after I ate like a freaking saint all week, saving up every extra calorie and carb for Saturday.

It's been so long since I have been to any sort of fair or carnival that I had almost forgotten exactly what an elephant ear is. Let me tell you the difference between an elephant ear and a funnel cake: sugar. That's the difference. The type of sugar. That's pretty much it. A funnel cake is fried dough with a ton of powdered sugar thrown on it. An elephant ear is fried dough with cinnamon and granulated sugar thrown on it. The end.

Did you know that there is only one food in this world that is more betterer than a funnel cake and an elephant ear in the same sitting? It's true! It is the aptly named elephunnel cake. That's what you call an elephant ear with its cinnamony, sugary, buttery goodness, that has also been coated with powdered sugar from your funnel cake.

The whole time we were eating, I felt like the biggest glutton in the world. Like Khloe Kardashian or something. I spared no dough. My cake was to sugar what garlic bread is to spaghetti sauce. I mopped that shit up. I couldn't bear the thought of orphaned sugar! Oh and I washed it down with a pretty delicious lemonade. It wasn't quite the kind you get at a fair where they squeeze lemons into some water and throw an excessive amount of sugar in it. But it wasn't Crystal Light either, so I'll give them that.

So in short, the food was pretty damn delicious and the table was not as sticky as I imagined it'd be. There were a few drawbacks however. The snow cones? Not so much. They weren't so much cones as they were cups. And it wasn't so much snow (ish) as it was ice shards. False advertising. They were just ice cups with syrup. Pretty sure that's what they give you to shut you up while you're birthing children. Speaking of children... there were many. Too many. Hopefully they belonged to one of the employees. Either that or the restaurant doubles as a day care center, which cannot be sanitary. The kids were pretty obnoxious and annoying, as all kids are unless they belong to you in some way. (Feel free to link this to your recent Whitman smells yucky things post). Also, the prices are fair - if you plan on ordering one or two things. They're definitely better priced than actual treats would be at a carnival, but dang! Together, Stacey and I spent $30. Hers was $14, mine was $16. For an elephant ear, 2 snow cones, and a lemonade? Color me broke! But they did give me a free refill on my lemonade when I asked nicely.

Overall, I'll rate this experience a 7.

PS: This makes me want to kill myself.

*Funny story - I typed blooger on accident and had a nice chuckle to myself. Now use it in a sentence: Stacey, you're one damn fine blooger if I do say so myself.


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