Thursday, April 7, 2011

This Week on Facebook*

Need an explanation as to what this is? Check back for Asshole Monday!

Before I get to the fuckery that was my news feed this week let me address something quickly, I would have made it a status but then I would be doing the very thing I hate on FB. Look: I say the word “fuck” a lot. It’s one of my all time favorite fucking words. I fucking love it. I mean, fuck. It has been brought to my fucking attention a few times here and there that I say it too fucking much and that maybe I need to keep it off fucking facebook. My answer to that: fuck no. It’s my fucking facebook where I am free to fucking say whatever the fuck I want and if you don’t fucking like it, there is a hide feature and your virginal eyes will never, ever see my profanity ever again unless you want. If that doesn’t appeal to you, you can always delete me all together. I am pretty sure if you are overly offended by the word “fuck” we aren’t that good of friends anyway because you are a fucking prude.  So I will continue to fucking use the word “fuck” on a dumbass social networking site that is used to kill time, sow imaginary fucking crops and stalk people and you can go ahead and continue on sucking at life. End of fucking rant. Moving the fuck on…

This link was posted the other day. I did chuckle a bit at it, but it begs the question: Think of how many random pics you see all the time on the World Wide Web…how many of them are people dressed up randomly and doing every day activities??? It’s a lot, no? Do people just drive around to tackle the days tasks with their cosplay stuff in the backseat? Can anyone expand on this?

I am very happy for people who are in relationships or whatever. If you find something in this world that makes you happy, by all means, go do that. But if you could do me a small, miniscule favor…enough with the fb pictures of the two of you molesting each other. It isn’t cute or heartfelt or sweet or romantic, it is annoying, very gross and a large display of fake-love dumbassery. If it is something you must do, go for it. Post a kissy-face picture here and there if you must but I don’t need an album of 23 photos of nothing but you and your SO taking “candids” of the two of you canoodling. It’s too much and you look like 12-year-old Twi-hards with their first camera.  Quit it.

I don’t even…if anyone can tell me what this is, what it is saying and why it was a Facebook status I will treat you to a falafel:  Angels are the guardians of hope & wonder,the keepers of magic & dreams.Wherever there is love,an angel is flying by.Ur guardian angel knows u inside & out & loves u just the way u are.Remember to leave space in ur relantionship so the angels have room to play.Ur guardian angels help u find a place when u feel like there is no place to go.Angels are with u every step of the way & help u soar with with grace.

And then there is this: There comes a point in your life when FUN no longer means bar hopping, clubbing, being out til 4am or drinking too much. It means movies, family dinners, kids athletic events, bedtime stories, and 9pm bedtimes. Becoming a parent doesn't change you, it makes you realize that the little people you created deserve the best of your free time! Re-post this if you are PROUD to be a parent and LOVE your life  -- to the many, many parents that I am friends with on facebook you should all be ASHAMED of yourselves! Since I saw none of you repost this, you obviously hate and are embarrassed by your children and you spend your days clubbing and bar-hopping because apparently you live in a 50 Cent video from 2003. You are all truly terrible parents. If you aren’t having family fun with your children, then you are an immature dickhead and I should be calling child services on all of you.

Do what now?? im in sorrysota biotches where is everyone LOL?? ill be here for hour or 2 .. hangin with my dawgs heheh...come find mez lovez yall MUAH im at library ;) – if this person is at the library I suggest they start in the reference section with a dictionary.

I have said it once and I will say it again, Jesus does not have a facebook and it doesn’t matter to him what your status says: I believe in Jesus Christ and have accepted him as my personal Savior. One facebooker has challenged all believers to put this on their wall. In the Bible it says, if you deny me in front of your peers, I will deny you in front of my Father at the gates of Heaven. This is simple…if you Love God and you are not afraid to show it, repost this. Just copy and paste…No shame here. So there you have it. If you are a Christian and you have yet to make this your status, you are going to burn in hell, that sucks for you, bro…

Facebook Statuses Done Right (FYI, if I happen to “like” any of your statuses, it probably means I copied and pasted it to post on my winning blog, so feel cool):

- Happy birthday to my beautiful chocolate princess, Colin Powell. Also, to my wife. But mostly Colin.

- Anyone else feel like getting your ass handed to you in Words With Friends? I'm like Mike Tyson in his prime, assuming Mike Tyson beat people up with the alphabet

- i swear to god if there is a flashing yellow light on sycamore view today, and these retards stop at it, i may end up on the news tonight.

- Sitting in a gown just makes me feel like a tranny. A very unsexy one at that

- Since my friend Ken is stuck in Atlanta I asked him what the future is like? His response: you can eat wild berries and transform into a pedophile...... I would have to say this is better/funnier than a conversation you would have with your child.

- I have no idea why I bought peanut butter, I don't even have a dog.

- Living next to a fire station would be a lot cooler if they had Ghostbuster sirens...

- I'm going to have 105 (say it with me) 105 fifth graders on the plane this morning...taking a deep breath now

If anyone has any FB Fuckery on their news feed that they would like to share, send it on.

*I think I am going to move this to Thursday from now on because it's my blog and I can do whatever I want.


Beth Wilson said...

One word: awesome.

Post a Comment