Monday, March 28, 2011

Asshole Monday: A plethora of assholes

I guess I should call Daniel out for being an asshole on this Monday since he is at home sick when he was supposed to take over today with a rant about something or another. But, no. I am left to bear the brunt alone. Asshole.

So instead of the normal full post about one asshole, I have a list of a bunch of different ones.

I had a few submissions:

Big fat bitches who wear too-tight, stretchy pants that allow me to see not only their numerous ass craters, but their camel toe as well – Submitted by Sherrie

Also people at my job who think I am their personal slave. Or, for the purposes of your blog, people on power trips. Here’s an example:

Co-worker: Sherrie, can you put some toilet paper in the bathroom?
Me: Oh, there’s none the in cabinet? I just filled it up the other day…
Co-worker: I don’t know. There’s none on the roll though.
Me: … plethora

So basically, he wants me to go into the bathroom that he just emptied his bowels in, get nose-raped by his ass stench, just to put a goddamn roll of toilet paper because he is too fucking lazy to reach under the cabinet and grab a new roll out himself? – Also submitted by Sherrie (duh)

People that suck at shared fridge space. I’m talking about the assholes that leave food in the fridge for years to go stale and moldy, take up too much space, or throw away fresh food for more of their old forgotten shit they will never come back to eat. And they don’t clean the microwave. – Submitted by Chris B.

Comcast, AT&T. – Submitted by Stovall

The rest are gripes of my own:

Man jewelry, i.e. shell necklaces, hemp, gold chains, crosses, etc. There are very few things that I can’t stand more than a man wearing jewelry that isn’t a watch or a wedding ring. Everything else can go.

Christmas lights and the need and want for people to drive through parks that cram themselves full of Christmas lights for people to drive through and listen to Christmas music while driving through looking at Christmas lights.

Forced company togetherness. Seriously. Don’t make me do things at the company I am working for. You only pay me to be here eight hours a day and do an actual job. Anything else is unnecessary.

Being told what to do, I just want to do the opposite

Tangled yarn. I realize I stand alone on this one but it really grinds my gears.

The term, “Hey Girl!” spoken by another chick without sarcasm.

Having to explain why what I said was funny. I am a funny girl and I can’t help it that you are stupid.

Deviled Eggs. They stink. They are gross. And the texture is beyond disgusting and it makes my skin crawl just thinking about it. If I wanted something mushy and smelly, I would chew on a dirty sponge.

True Blood. I know given my love of all things supernatural and vampiric, I should love this show. I do not.

Unintentional cold showers. For some reason in this house the hot water is a complete cockstain and it hates staying hot for longer than five minutes so I am usually left taking a cold shower for much longer than I would care to.

This computer. It’s the slowest piece of shit ever.

When people know better and they still spell my name “Stacy.” Especially on email or facebook. You can see my name right in front of you with it spelled correctly. Can you not read? Are you retarded? You’re retarded, aren’t you?

Thank you to everyone that gave me something. You are guys are my shining stars!


D.P. said...

Suck it Stacy, I'm not an asshole!

Sherrie Bee Bop said...

Bring me your tangled yarn. I LOVE untangling things. Seriously. Fucking love it.

Stacey Garrett said...

Me admitting that I hate that is really just asking for everyone to actually spell it wrong, isn't it?

D.P. said...


Stacey Garrett said...

Sherrie, if you an entire afternoon to kill, let me know. I can keep you busy for hours. Seriously. I have bags of yarn that are just sitting there waiting to be untangled.

Slevin said...

True Blood is awesome.

Sherrie Bee Bop said...

Yes. It's like a stress reliever, I swear. I love tangled stuff. Maybe it's because I feel like my own life is such a tangled mess of unsolvable problems, so to untangle something tangible makes me feel better.

I also love peeling sunburn skin. El Oh Vee Ee LOVE. It's in the top 5 reasons of why I love summer.

D.P. said...

Sherrie has peeled my sunburn skin before. It was creepy and gross. I can vouch for this.

Sherrie Bee Bop said...

No. It was delicious and nutritious.

Sherrie Bee Bop said...

Ok so I didn't really eat it. But it was a lot of fun. Speaking of fun, here's a fun fact: When geckos shed, they eat their own skin. That way predators can't track them down. Yay survival of the fittest!

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