This week on Facebook

FB done right. With the caption:
Happy St. Patty's Day

Some people post weird/ retarded/ hilarious shit on Facebook. I am all for it. I personally think that the FB should be used for nothing besides: Self Promotion. Random Dumbassery. And pictures. Lots and lots of pictures. 

I posted about taking a nap in my car the other day. Someone speak up if you care about that. *crickets* *tumbleweeds* *dead silence* See? That is what I am saying. Unless you are very funny, irreverent or insanely vulgar, I really don’t care what you have to say on Facebook. But a lot of you fuckers make me laugh and/or think to myself, “Really, dude?”

So that is what “This week on Facebook” will be. Looking through my News Feed throughout the week and picking and choosing things that are either: ridiculous, funny, horrible, vulgar, stupid, pointless, misspelled, basically anything that amuses or frustrates me.

I will not post names or screen grabs but if you happen to find yourself ruthlessly made fun of…sorry? It’s all out of love, I assure you. And, remember, if I do post something that you have posted, it just means I haven’t hidden you from my news feed. Consider yourself cool.

Here we go. Hold on to your butts:

- A fire alarm went off at 6:15 in the morning. Eight flights of stairs were then descended upon. Seeing as how this person was on spring break and on vacation where she drank a lot, I have zero sympathy.

- Both The National Center for Science Education and Evolution as a whole has a Facebook page. Who knew?

- People suck? Oh yes, I see. More bitching and moaning on Facebook; the new therapist for whiners.

- Why is the Grey’s Anatomy musical happening? Also, why is that show still on the air? And, why has Ellen Pompeo not been hate-punched by me yet?

- Found a new recipe: I mixed vanilla @ 1/4 gallon of vanilla ice cream with 1/2 crunchy peanut butter and spread that in one of those chocolate graham cracker shells and then heated a little hot fudge and poured on top, froze for 2 hours and served. Yummy, quick dessert!

- Way too many posts concerning The Bachelor. Why is this show still a thing and why the fuck does anyone care? Everyone knows that the couple that emerges from that show won’t last, right?  

- I will happily take a Bachelor post over incessant American Idol posts, however. There is one thing about America I don’t understand: it’s obsession with American Idol. Will this shit never die?

- Speaking of American Idol: Steven Tyler is not hot despite what many statuses may say.

- People still eat at Picadilly? What? Why? How is someone young enough to be on fb still old enough to go to Picadilly?

- I am so glad that I stay informed on when so many different people get gas. So exciting. Almost as exciting as when people check in at home. I love it.

- Crimanal Justice is apparently a naw collage majer.

- It rained outside on Monday in case anyone was wondering and their home/ workplace/ car/ igloo/ blanket fort doesn’t have windows, you now have everyone on Facebook telling you when it rains, how much and where.

- It was St. Patricks Day on Thursday. Who knew? Every single person on Facebook. That is who.

- This stinkin video was posted and I should have never, ever watched it. It’s a dog whose doggie-friend got hurt in the earthquake so he stayed behind to make sure his friend was okay. Upon further research (I won’t research a lot of things, but I will research to make sure a dog is ok) both dogs have since been rescued and they are now both ok. But, for real, don’t watch if it you don’t want to bawl your stupid eyes out.

- I now know that a grilled mac and cheese pulled pork sandwich is a real thing that exists in this world. I now cannot unknow that.

- White peach Sangria, bring it bitches. I would drink the shit out of that.

- This week marked the return of my least favorite status time of the year; March Madness:

            - GD clutch threes at the last second....FML :(

- Jesus Louisville. You are terrible.

- It will totally screw up my brackets if they lose but I really hope Calipair gets smoked. Go Princeton.

-Richmond's mascot is a spider. Gross.

And finally, here is where I give a shout out to Facebook statuses done right, there should be more and I promise to pay closer attention next week:

- Just met Richard Simmons in the Detroit airport. I'm going to go work out now! (and in the comments…) He said to this man, “I'd like to take my picture with this lady. She just got out of jail and is starting a new life! Don't shoplift girls or you'll get six years!”

- omg my bracket!!!!!!!!! jk wtf do i care? #marchmadness

- I wish there were more people in the world that got my Airborne references.

- Sitting on the porch, playing battleship with my wife and enjoying the beautiful weather.

- Nate Dogg will no longer be hey-aay-aay-aaaaaay...................................... smoking weed every day.

- First Nate Dogg and now the guy who played Alfred in the 90's Batman movies? This week can go to hell.