Two Weeks Sober, Bitches!

I have not had a drink in two weeks. Woohoo! So all those fuckers that doubted me (no one) you can kiss my disappearing (not really) ass.

I am down a size. I will not tell you where that size started and where it ended up but it’s smaller and that is all that counts. Geez! You people are nosy.

Does it suck? Kinda. Is it as hard as I thought it would be? No. Could I drink a beer right now? Absolutely. It would go perfectly with my pimento cheese sandwich. But I won’t. And also on Cake Wrecks today there was a Guinness cake and I couldn’t help think “I could drink the shit out of that.

I have gone out twice since quitting drinking (Wow, that’s sad. Let’s all go out. Thank you.) and I easily avoided temptation. The first would be the Wednesday after I quit drinking. We had a girls night with all those lunatic bitches I used to work with. We like to get together every now and again to catch up on all things crunchy frog and disposable hand towel related. And ladies, I had a great time. I laughed so hard I nearly peed my pants (not hyperbole) so I am fun when I am sober! I told you!

It was harder last Thursday when I met Chris for a drink before our free screening of Battle of Los Angeles. Chris (also a former co-worker*) is a beer asshole (to say the least) so I knew that he would be sitting there describing the beer in minute detail and I would want one. And he did, of course. Bastard. I had a sip of his beer (sips do not count, obviously) and it was good but I gladly stopped there. There is a possibility being drunk would have made that movie better, but I somehow doubt that. It was pretty terrible and Aaron Eckhart is one hell of an overacter. Awful times.

But yeah, I am doing pretty well, if anyone out there was wondering. I think mom was waiting on me to post about it because she asked yesterday how I was doing on not drinking. When I told her it has been two weeks she sounded relieved with a little surprise peppered in. She has never, ever said so but I think she thought I drank too much as it was. But to her, too much is next to nothing.

My mother has never been drunk a day in her life. Seriously. I believe her when she tells me that. Dad, on the other hand, never says anything about how he was when he was younger. He owns up to nothing which basically tells me one thing: He was terrible which doesn’t surprise me in the least.  I mean, I have seen what his room used to look like so I know there has to be some shrooms or peyote or something somewhere. Right?! He will never say…



Pretty close rendering of what his room used to look like but with less boobs



Anyhoo, 98 days left.

It has been asked to me a few times would I drink if someone else was paying. The answer: No I will not. I appreciate the offer, people, but no. I am doing this for other reasons besides money. But I would be more than happy to take you up on that beer offer in 98 days! I can assure you I will still be just as broke then.

*And let me take a second to say, yes, I am still pretty good friends with people I used to work with which really says something for how much fun I would have at work every day from just sheer, unadulterated stupidity of grown-ass people. So fun. I have never been so unprofessional in all my life (that’s not true) (to read that you have to be my fb friend, do it!).