Asshole Monday

Assholes. Assholes. Where are you? I find myself with no assholes to speak of. Maybe you people can send me your own assholes to publicly lambaste over the interwebs and I can call those people out for being assholes. Yes? But until I get my reader submissions (ha) I will just roll with the ones that I have.

Dickface!

The Sun: My good friend Morgan Beene Cline ran her 63^rd marathon this weekend in Chicago and the Sun was being a total dick and it was way hot. Running all those miles in the heat can’t be fun. I washed my car yesterday in the shade in the 93 some odd degree heat and I found it unappetizing to say the least. So FUCK YOU, Sun, you were an asshole to my marathon running lunatic friend, Morgan.

Chick Dwellers of Collierville:  I was in Hobby Lobby a week or so ago and as I was in line (a surprisingly short, efficient line for Hobby Lobby) and I found myself behind three Collierville High attending bitches.  Their homecoming week is coming up at some point in the near future (I am sure I will hear about it since my sister has taken up tailgating at high school football games) and they were purchasing materials in which to craft an outfit for “Tacky Day.” The check-out lady was all “What are you girls buying all this for?”

It was a myriad of red things. Red bandannas. Red fabric. Red plastic. Red swastikas. Just red. The leader of this klan (you could tell as she had the car keys) said, “It’s tacky day at our school and we dress up as Germantown because Germantown is tacky.”

Wowza. I snorted a bit and I doubt any of them heard me or even recognized my existence as I am old, purchasing yarn and I went to Bartlett High School. And then Check-Out Lady said this: “My daughter goes to Germantown.”

Bahahahahaha. WIN. The look on uppity Chick Dwellers of Collierville faces was amazing. They were all like “Oooohh shiiiiittt, I can’t believe I let a tacky bitch scan my purchases…” Maybe, I don’t know, keep your snotty opinions to yourself in mixed craft store company? Heh heh.

Check-Out Lady could have totally kept this to herself and let these girls go on about their day but she didn’t. She put those high schoolers in their place just for shits and gigs. And for that, Check-Out Lady, you get an internet high five. You deserve it. UP TOP!