Thursday, October 21, 2010

Now You've Gone and Made me All Stabby!

Okay, people, have a seat. Please. We need to have a talk. I didn’t want it to come to this, but I see no other option. I thought the problem would just fade away. I thought I wouldn’t still be hearing about this. But here we are. And you only have yourselves to blame.

Usually I am a let your freak flag fly, do what you want, whatever makes you happy kind of gal, but enough is enough.

See all that Ed Hardy mess? YOU paid for it!

Stop watching Jersey Shore. Stop. And I don’t want to hear your excuses. I have heard them all and they are all invalid and annoying.

But, Stacey, It’s so FUNNY! – No, no it is not. It is stupid. It is a stupid show on a stupid network about stupid people. Just by you watching it, it makes you stupid. It’s a vicious cycle of stupidity.

But, Stacey, I just like to make fun of it – There is a world FULL of things that you can make fun of.  Look on Facebook for five minutes, that alone will give you a weeks worth of things to mock.

But, Stacey, It’s a guilty pleasure – There should be no pleasure in watching a house full of orange assholes become rich and famous by doing nothing more than being orange assholes. They are famous for nothing more than being idiots. The only valid way to watch this show is alone, in a darkened room while you silently shove your face full of Zingers and cry into your meth pipe. And if this is how you watch it, go right ahead, but I am going to need to see that meth pipe.

But, Stacey, It is, like, so entertaining – Shut your stupid face. There are oodles of entertaining shows that get cancelled every day. Shows with storylines, and redeeming characters, and a plot.  Watch those.

And I know that none of you are going to tell me that you find any of these asshats attractive…are you? *crickets* …that’s what I thought.

If you really want me to get real with the honesty here, let me break it down: You watching this show just makes me think less of you, it really does. Some of my good friends watch this show, my own father watches this mess, and I have no problem telling them, “I now look down on you for watching this nonsense.” And this is coming from someone who watches terrible television and movies.

I have seen the movie John Tucker Must Die no less than a dozen times. I watched both Rock of Love and Rock of Love: Charm School. I would watch The Real Housewives of Bucksnort if it should happen to come on Bravo. I love most things crappy, but I actively HATE this show and the majority of its fan base.

My only hope is that one day one of these worthless pieces of self-tanned shit will come out in support of Sarah Palin or some such nonsense and we can all go, “SEE! J-Wow came out in support of this evangelical Tea Party winking lunatic. Do you see how stupid you all look now?”  That is the only good that can ever come out of this show. Ever.  

Jersey Shore is why every other country hates America, and if it goes on any longer, the terrorists have officially won. Well done, AMERICA!


Peezy said...

South Park parodied this show last week. It was hilarious. And no, I've never seen a single episode of the show, but it's so ingrained in pop culture now that I know enough about it that I feel like I have. So with that, I'll say this:

That J-Wow chick IS kinda hot, actually. Sorry.

Otherwise, fuck it. Fuck it right in the face. Fuck this show in the ass with a big rubber dick, then break it off and beat it to death with the rest of it. Snookie is the most disgusting vile little bridge troll I've ever seen.

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