Someone Has to Teach Children Serial Killers aren't Real...oh...wait...

Michael Myers - kids love him

I have taken to calling myself “The Nanny.” Whenever random ass neighbors come knocking, or punk ass kids are trying to sell something, I just say “I am just the nanny…” and I am then relieved of all responsibility of whatever this person needs. Pass the buck, I say.

It’s easier and it requires no explanation. Plus it makes Christy and Ron sound cool for having a nanny. Ooohhh aaaaaahhh. I am pretty sure having a nanny in Collierville is very upper-crusty. And it kind of makes me look exotic or something. I need to work on my Russian accent and change my name to…something Russian.

However, I am in no way a nanny. Sure, I take care of the kids every now and again and I am happy to make sure they are fed, cleaned, punished or whatever but the majority of the time, I am left to do my own thing.  Plus, I make a shitty nanny.

Garrett loves scary movies. I try and only let him watch the ones that are PG-13 or the ones that don’t contain too much violence or bad language. My main concern is bad language because I know if he repeats it and gets in trouble, it’s coming back on me (because I am the only person EVER that slips up and says bad words in front of children occasionally…). See, I’m responsible. Yes, I know some of you are horrified, but he is tough, he can take it. If it’s on regular TV, I usually let him watch it since the language is usually edited out and there is no nudity or anything.

Halloween 5 was on AMC last night. Garrett said he wanted to watch a scary movie, this one happened to be on, it was edited for TV, so I let him watch it. Whitman was there too but he is not such a fan of the horror movies. But if his big brother is willing to watch it and you will let him sit in your lap, he will watch as well, he doesn’t want to miss out. So I had two toddlers sitting on my lap in an old hand-me-down recliner watching Halloween 5. They were terrified to say the least.

If they get too scared, I always turn it off. I don’t want to give them insane nightmares (there’s that responsibleness again!) but they usually want to power through it. There was a whole lot of creepy Michael Myers stalking going on and it proved too much for them. And it was the beginning of the movie so there wasn’t a whole lot of bloodshed just yet. Just, you know, a maniacal serial killer stalking babysitters. No big woo.  Throughout the 30 minutes that the boys actually sat there, they covered their eyes and/or closed their eyes altogether. At one point they both got up and hid behind the chair. I then changed the channel and Garrett said, “What did you change it for? I was watching that!” Kid’s a trooper, what can I say? I didn’t change it back, they had enough for one night. Besides tonight The Exorcist will be on…(I would never let them watch The Exorcist and it’s not coming on TV anyway).

Also last night (had a crazy night in the ‘ville) the doorbell rang around 7:00.  Usually it’s the boys because, for some reason, children like to be super annoying and ring the doorbell over and over again. They even found a doorbell in the garage. Who has a doorbell in the garage? Apparently we do. Anyhoo, there were a handful of children at the door giving us a flyer for Trunk R Treat at the church located right behind the house. It is actually on Halloween night so that kids won’t be subjected to evil devil worshipping witches handing out candy coated razorblades. The boys were upstairs with me when Ron answered the door. During this time, I was showing Garrett and Whitman my Halloween costume.* 

While Ron is talking to the Tween Christian Coalition, Garrett runs to the doorway, interrupting Ron and the tweens, and says “Dad! You should see Stacey’s Halloween costume. She’s going to be a scary vampire and she’s got fake blood and everything! It’s going to be the coolest!” Heh heh heh. I had just heard the TCC say something along the lines of “There won’t be anything scary or gory to scare the little ones.” Don’t worry, we scare our own around here. Also, Garrett is awesome. I tell him every day that he is the coolest kid ever. Both his mother and I were raised to have pretty high awesome self esteem, I’m just trying to pay it forward.

*I was informed by my dad a few days ago that he bought me some “nice” vampire teeth that were expensive, so it looks like I am a vampire. I bought a cape and some fake blood and I am just going to wear like a black dress or something.  You might be thinking to yourself “Why can’t you just be whatever you want to be?” Apparently you are unaware at how seriously the man takes his Halloween. He probably sought out the best vampire teeth one can buy. I have no doubt that he researched it through all of his Halloween contacts and purchased the best pair, so I can’t let the man down.