Thursday, May 19, 2011

This week on Facebook: The Rapture

Mable is now the official dog of TWOF. Welcome her awesomness

Before we begin, this exists…So if you love facebook (I will not lie and say that I don’t) and you really want to show your children one day about how much time you wasted, how self-important you found yourself and how terrible your grammar was, there you go. 

The weeks most popular status subject: The Upcoming Rapture

Has anyone else noticed that out of all the rapture statuses, none of them have been posted by Christians??? Methinks now that the day is supposedly approaching they realize it might be a little on the ridiculous side?

- If the world ends on Saturday I'm going to be really pissed off.

- There's only 3 shopping days left until the Rapture.

- When jesus comes back on Saturday morning, does anyone know which time zone he's going by for his arrival?

- The rapture is only 9 more days away! If any Christians would like to donate any money to me, please feel free to do so. Remember: "It's more difficult for a rich man to enter heaven than for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle."

- Although it is hilarious....believing the rapture will be taking place on saturday is no more delusional than believing the rapture will actually ever take place.

- Raincheck on God's wrath. I feel like sleeping in that day and watching movies on the couch. I'm not in the mood to be judged.

Hold up. I take it back – One day God will kills us all, with good reason. I really do not care to dwell on it or say when and where that will happen because I hope it will be a slow process and not so cataclysmic. – That was a comment posted on a rapture status. So one day, this guy knows when and where, we will all die by the hands of God. Cool.

It's almost hot enough for you jackasses to start posting pics of the temperature in your cars. – Oh. Are we not allowed to do that??? Truth be told, the Element does not have that fancy feature but I have no issue copying the iPhone screen of my weather app and posting it. What? Fucking hide me already!

<3 hey everyone my celly is turned back on so  hit me  up on it lovez yall MUAH byeee <3  - okay so this was posted at some ungodly early hour this morning and no one commented on it. Then another status was posted about how people never comment or like their stuff so they are going to start deleting people. I saw it this morning and went I got here and went to copy and paste, the status had been deleted and their wall was disabled. Let me tell you how annoyed I get when people I always make fun of disable their wall posts. This is so not fair.

The only Friday the 13th status of note: If any of you are contemplating having sex in the woods with a camp counselor, today isn't the best day. Just a heads up.

WTFITOFB (Why The Fuck Is This On Facebook) -   

Shocking as it may be…I have nothing oversharey for this week. I even checked everyone that I have hidden. I blame no one but you. My FB friends only have so much emotional turmoil to go around. I need others peoples as well. Copy and paste that shit in a fb message and send it to me! Dicks!

Statuses done Right:

- The women who sit in the crowd at the Wendy Williams Show are the saddest people on the planet.

- There's not a horror movie, roller coaster or terrorist attack on this planet that scares me more than when I'm sitting in my car and a wasp flies in the window. I'd rather be coated in gravy and trapped in a small room with a hungry wolverine on PCP.

- Facebook keeps logging me out saying some "spammy link" shit. So help me god if I of all people somehow get my account phished, I'm kicking Mark Zuckerberg in the sack.

- I just executed a chicken sandwich. My administration has decided not to release the photographs.

- My all-time favorite porn star does MILF porn now. Goddammit, I'm old.

- Nobody ever has Taco Bell for lunch and then goes back to work and has a really productive second half.

- had to get glasses today, there will be no unicorn tattoos in my future. DAMN!!! So its true, masturbation does make you go blind.

- Ok, I had Spongebob Squarepants on, and tried to sync it up with some Bjork, FYI, it didn't work. Fail....... Next i'm going to try WHAM!

- stoked about iCarly being in Memphis tonight. I got my poster made and pockets filled with candy.

- Dear women of crescent at wolfchase apartments: please try to control yourselves when I take my shirt off at the pool this summer.

- Tuesday is the sweaty, hairy armpit of the week. Sidenote: it's no bueno when a cop is parked in front of my building and I can't illegally cross the street. Failing.

- People who say possessions won't make you happy don't have a 60 inch tv.

- Justin Beiber was on tv and asked the crowd who wants to be his baby....Avery went 'ME!' hahahaha

‎- dying a slow painful death in bed never drinking again
3.thinks jello shots and ice luge are the devil
4.should probably be embarrassed by her actions last night, but only if she could remember them...



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