Wednesday, May 18, 2011

High School Cafeteria Food: Some days I long for you

If anyone was ever wondering if I think I spend too much time on facebook know now that I do think that. But it is helpful at times in finding blog topics. Like today’s!

would kill for a Mexican pizza right about now. With a side of cheesy hashbrowns. – via Morgan

What Morgan just described is a delicious lunch from Bartlett High School’s (my alma mater) lackluster cafeteria.

Now I was never a “lunch buyer.” I would buy in elementary school only on pizza day on Friday. But that was it. Every other day I brought my sack lunch with a foil-wrapped coke (if we are being honest, it was Big K), a random sandwich, chips and whatever homemade dessert was at our house that week.

When I got to high school, I bought my lunch rarely the first three years. I was still a bringer my senior year but I changed it up a bit and decided to occasionally eat what was provided by lunch ladies from time to time. I was given lunch money but the majority of the time I refused to use it on lunch so I would eat free saltines and dip them in free mustard. Or if I was really hungry I would buy Fritos and dip them in ketchup (Yay for obesity!) It sounds disgusting but it was delicious when you are hungry and pocketing $10 for whatever you would like (candy). And to say that I wouldn’t eat Fritos dipped in ketchup now is just wrong.

On the occasion when I would splurge on lunch, there still wasn’t a whole lot I would eat. I have an aversion to cafeterias and buffets in general. They gross me out exponentially and always have. But there were a few things I would eat and grew to love:

That is it exactly

Cheeseburger: There was rumor that these tasty aluminum foil-wrapped burgers were soy but I am not buying it. I kind of makes no sense to me that a cafeteria in a southern high school would have soy burgers, but I could be wrong. Soy or no soy, they were still good. It was a thin burger patty with cheese. And the aluminum foil always gave it this soggy type texture, kind of like a Krystal. If they did turn out to be soy (no) I would eat the shit out of one right now.

It needs to be more orange but that is basically it

Chicken Sandwich: These were tricky. You could get them on a good day and the orange chicken-parts patty would be crispy and delicious. On other days (most days), they would be soggy and gross. Either way, if you actually bought one, you had to eat it. So if it was a bad day I would cover it in mustard and eat it anyway.

I couldn't find a true to life pic, but this one is close

Cheesy Hash Browns: Cheesy hash browns are exactly what they sound like. They ice cream scooped them out into these little Styrofoam cups and I would always add more salt than was ever needed and lots of pepper. So good. I would eat them now in a second. I still have every intention of one day making cheesy hash browns. I just have to make sure to add a lot of salt and cheese and it was always my favorite when the hash browns were a little crunchy so I will need to overcook them.

And, for the grand finale…

Add some watery chili and a less fancy tray and that is it

Crispito: Dear lord. I was a crispito hater for a long time. I went three years at the BHS without ever eating one. They look disgusting. What it is; taco meat (using the term “meat” loosely) wrapped in a corn tortilla that has been fried and topped with chili. Watery, runny, tomato-filled chili. Upon sight, a crispito can very easily look like a turd covered in vomit so I was put off of crispitos from the beginning. Then (senior year) I was told, from Morgan, “You need to try it. Just try a bite. There is no way you won’t like it.” I have to say I was very curious. On Crispito Day, the lunch line would be long and seemingly never ending. I always thought, “Why is there a line to eat a vomit-covered turd???” So I tried it…

I was doing it wrong for a lot of years. Crispitos are delicious. They don’t seem like they would be, but they are. Somehow the watery chili really works for a fried corn tortilla stuffed with a meatish substance. I was not one of those people that would get more than one, but I could have easily eaten three. And if I can make a vegetarian version one day, that is happening, my words have now  been marked.

And that, sigh, leads me to this:

There is one thing that I could still eat now that was so delicious I have spent my entire life trying to find to no avail, BHS Chocolate Chip Cookies.

You know what I am talking about, fellow Bartletters. It was four cookies that were sold for $1.00 every Friday by the food service (or whatever) classes. They were always cooked perfectly and so warm and soft in the center but crunchy on the outside. I have yet to find a better chocolate chip cookie in my life (sorry, mom).

A few years ago I went on a search to find the recipe for these cookies and I got nothing. A friend of mine, Allison, was actually in one of those classes that made the cookies and what she told me kind of broke my heart but at the same time gave me a little bit of hope…

They are made from frozen cookie dough by Sysco. There is no recipe for them. FML, right?! I actually emailed Sysco and asked them if they still make them and if there is a recipe they could give me and I never heard back. I also tried to buy them to no avail.

I guess this is where I put the word out to the thousands (tens) reading this: Find me the recipe for the cookies or the cookies in general. Go. I would be forever indebted to you and you would  make me and everyone around me happier in general. So do me a solid and go, my dear garbage collecters (yeah I just said that), and find this for me.

…Why are you still sitting there, what did I just say???


Dusty Nelson said...

I still remember taking my Big K Citrus Drop everyday covered in aluminum foil. Not sure why my mother thought I needed all that caffeine. Just more energy to be more of a dick to my teachers.

I would do horrible unspeakable things for a meal of 3 crispitos covered with the shredded cheese that came in those little cups.

Stacey Garrett said...

Oh shit, Dusty! I completely forgot about the cup of shredded cheesefood they would give you. I can't believe I forgot that.

And be a dick to your teachers or a dick to everyone? Because, if I recall correctly, you were a dick to everyone.

Dusty Nelson said...

You recall incorrectly I was only a dick to teachers and you. And that is because you and most of my teachers were on the same level of CUNTiness. I'm glad you grew out of that phase.

aidee915 said...

Hello?! Rectangle pepperoni pizza?! Anyone? Bueller? Those were the shithouse. I would bring my lunch unless it was pizza day. I, too, had the soda wrapped in foil but I went P.Diddy and had Coke.

Stacey Garrett said...

hahaha, I grew out of my cuntiness? I have no idea what you are talking about.

The rectangle pizza was good, I will give you that, but it wasn't my favorite. However, they did start making stuffed cruste pizza in lieu of the regtangle pizza and that shit was awesome.

Dusty Nelson said...

Just a heads up you can buy the rectangle pizza @ the Lit on Summer Ave.

D.P. said...

The yellow octagon pizzas is where the fuck it was at.

Ashley Maire said...

Stuffed crust! My school was not that cool...dang, Clarksville:(

Stacey Garrett said...

Daniel, that was the "mexican pizza" that Morgan was referring to and those were delicious.

Yes, Ashley! Stuffed. Crust. Bartlett represent.

Ashley Maire said...

Sounds delish but I'll take the rectangle pizza over everything. ShitHOUSE. I still crave those suckers!

Holly said...

This post is awesome, especially because Billy brought me surprise crispitos from the cafeteria of BHS TODAY!! Be jealous.

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