Monday, December 13, 2010

Asshole Monday: Grody to the Max

I'd rather watch The Human Centipede than watch anyone drink this

These aren’t so much assholes as Really Gross People

There are many, many different kinds of gross people that gross me right on out. And it is not so much the people themselves, but these two super gross things that people do.

#1 Buffet Eaters.

Buffets are icky. I can’t take them and I refuse to eat at them. I won’t even eat potluck dinners unless I know who made what. This makes me a complete bitch/snob and that is fine. I can deal with that.

I went to the casinos a few years ago and was told that I MUST eat at the buffet. It is the best, it’s clean, etc, etc. Um. No.

If you are trying to tell me that the buffet in Tunica, MS is clean, I am sorry, I do not believe you. If you are trying to tell me that the people eating at a buffet at a casino in Mississippi are somehow better than anyone else at your run of the mill Picadilly, no. They are not. You will still see the same 400 lb. dude with three plates stacked up under his double chins heading to a table to shovel food down  his gullet. Just because there happens to be prime rib on one (or two) of those plates, doesn’t make it any easier or more appealing to watch.

If you want to see me turn my nose up at anything, bring me to a buffet. ANY buffet. I will not be a happy camper.

#2 – Cereal milk drinkers.

Picture it: You just took about ten minutes to finish a bowl of Lucky Charms. Dipping your spoon back into the bowl of milk again and again and eating your cereal for breakfast. You fished the last few non-marshmallow bits out of the bowl and you have finished your cereal. There are parts of saliva, flecks of cereal powder and random swirly colors hanging out in your milk.  It’s also been ten minutes so that milk is not the coldest…you pick up your bowl and gulp down what is left of your milk…

Excuse me while I vomit.

There is nothing more disgusting to me than cereal milk. You are drinking semi-warm spit milk. Grody to the max.

Whenever the boys eat cereal, they always drink the leftover milk. I have to close my eyes and plug my ears to distance myself as far away from this as possible. I can’t take it or I will for real start gagging.

What do I do with my cereal milk? I pour it out. Like everyone should be doing. It’s fucking gross. Used cereal milk is like dishwater to me. It is that gross.

In high school, a guy once told me he would drink my bathwater. I was effectively creeped and grossed out.  This is how I feel about the drinking of cereal milk. It should never be done, by anyone.

Stop the madness, people. Stop drinking your own filth.


Dusty Nelson said...

Please snitch out who told you they would drink your bath water!

Stacey Garrett said...

Bahahaha, it wasn't anyone good, I assure you. Remember Chris Boyd? It was him. He was a year older than us and I had like every other class with him.

Dusty Nelson said...

Damn! My guess was Rance Byrd.

Dusty Nelson said...

And I love cereal milk. I eat my cereal out of a styrofoam cup everyday @ work so it is easier to drink the milk when I am done.

Stacey Garrett said...

Dusty that is fucking gross. Ha, no it wasn't Rance, though I can see him saying that. I am sure he has said various other perverse things during high school but that wasn't one.

Sherrie Bee Bop said...

Ok I actually have a "thing" about milk products. This goes very well with the cereal leavins drinkers.

I will not share milk products with anyone. If it has milk in it, fuck off and get your own, 'cause you ain't getting any of mine. This goes for absolutely anything remotely creamy/milky. Pudding. Ice cream. Alfredo. Mac & Cheese. Cheese in general. Yogurt. Milkshake. You get the point. Reason being, very similar to yours, milk is thicker than water based foods, therefore foods made with milk are thicker, therefore the thicker products seem to hold the saliva and germs so much better, and I have this image of them festering in my milk products... I can't even eat ice cream straight from the carton and put it back, then eat some more later. No way.

I'm not lactose intolerant. I'm just intolerant of your fucking saliva in my lactose. Bitch.

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