Christmas Card to My Poor Parents...

The Garretts and Their Hell Spawn

Hi Mom and Dad!

My mom actually does read this, I think. I sent her the address a few weeks ago with a warning “You may not like what you read.” I warned her, and that is all I can do. My dad doesn’t. He doesn’t have the best grasp of the internet or computers or any sort of technology, so if he actually reads this, I’ll be shocked. Or my mom printed it out for him.

Do I want them to read this here blog? I don’t really care. Their daughter is on the internet cursing like a sailor and spewing hatred and vulgarity so it may not be something that every parent wants to read (at least they aren’t on Facebook!). But there is something you have to understand…

My parents are pretty damn cool.

That is not to say that they have loved everything that I have done in my life. The tattoos. The piercings. The purple hair. They have been less than thrilled with ALL of these things.

Mom would be mad for about five minutes and then sigh and say “You’re going to do whatever you want to do…” Every parent should have this same mentality. Your kids are going to do whatever they want to do and you should just let them do it. When they are old enough to make their own decisions, let them go. If you did your job right, you should have nothing to worry about.

Dad just thought everything I did was funny. He may not have liked it, but he always saw the humor. And to this day I don’t think he knew I had a tongue ring (surprise, Dad!) but that has been gone for damn near a decade, thankfully.  And it’s not like he could be that mad. I am a carbon copy of him, for the most part, how could he be mad?

While my friends parents were showing up at parties to drag their kids out by their ears and take them home, mine trusted me and stayed put (though mom did wait up for way longer than she should have). Maybe they shouldn’t have trusted me as much a few times because teenagers are stupid and lie to their parents from time to time, but they trusted that I was always where I said I was and for the most part, I was. I was a pretty good kid and that is mostly due to being raised by understanding and admittedly cool parents.

I could be honest with both of my parents and they accepted that and let me live my life and I could not be more thankful for this. They have a super weird daughter that seemed to have come from an alien stork from a different universe, but they never tried to change this no matter how much they didn’t agree with it.  

Both my sister and I were raised to have a self-esteem much higher than we rightfully should based on our looks and abilities. All parents should raise their kids this way.  Though I never really did anything with my life or in my life that would make my parents proud of me, I never had a doubt that they were.  Shit, I guess I did graduate college but it’s not like I am doing a whole hell of a lot with that…

Anyhoo, Merry Christmas Mom and Dad! I couldn’t ask for better, cooler or more understanding parents than the two of you. Thank you for everything you have done for me be it, letting me move back in a few times, doing my laundry even though I am an adult, instilling way too much confidence in me even though I continue to be mediocre at best, never judging, never overbearing and never unsupportive. Love you guys!