Thursday, December 23, 2010

Gimme Gimme Gimme

I am just going to be honest with you here, the coolest thing about Christmas is the gifts. I would be lying to the world if I said I didn’t like gifts. I really do. Of course I like the food and candy and family togetherness and all that shit, but mostly I am here for the gifts, I’m shallow.

In my 29 years on this planet, I have received some pretty good gifts. Here are a few gifts that stuck with me that I, a possible hoarder, still have:

Stella Wella
Stella Bean – Yes, I give my dogs middle names because I am awesome. Stella was a Christmas gift about seven years ago. She’s the gift that just keeps on giving. She has been nothing but a wonderful dog ever since.  Anyone that has anything bad to say about Chihuahuas has never met my Stella. She’s amazing.

Nintendo Gameboy – the old school dot-matrix green screen Gameboy. It was when it first came out and I wanted one so badly and I got it for Christmas along with Super Mario World, Kirby’s Dreamland, Jurassic Park and Tetris. I still have it and it still works. If you play it now it really makes you appreciate a simpler time when technology was bulky and slow and not that impressive by today’s standards.

Remington True-to-Light make-up mirror – Yeah, I have no idea how old I was when I received this from dad, but I was more than likely too young to need  make-up much less a lighted magnification mirror in which to put my needless make-up on, but I wanted one and I got it. It still works and I still use it. It also still has Powerpuff Girls stickers on it but that doesn’t tell me anything. Those could have been put on there last year for all I know. It’s got be at least 15 years old now, I am guessing.

Uggs – I finally got a pair of Uggs last year, a good 27 years after they were cool. I was against the entire Ugg fad for a long time but I finally broke down and asked for a pair from mom and I got a really cool gray pair last year. They are SO COZY. I am not a moron though, and I don’t wear mine in the summer. No, they aren’t really for Memphis weather since it doesn’t really get that cold here and they would probably be more reasonable if I lived in, say, Alaska but I don’t care. Uggs are also something I would never buy for myself. They are way too expensive and not something I even need, which makes a great Christmas present.

I feel I’m pretty easy to buy gifts for but that’s not to say I haven’t been bratty a year or two but for the most part I am usually very thankful and appreciative of all gifts. If someone gives you something, you need to be nice about it whether you like it or not. And I have gotten some pretty terrible gifts in my lifetime but I can’t really remember what they even were.

Someone who is not so easy to buy for…my dad. There are few things that dad likes: Halloween, John Denver, Andy Griffith…and I think that is it. Whenever I give him any gift, I try not to stray from any these things. If you do, or if it’s not something he specifically asked for and told you to get, he’s going to be an ass about it. Dad doesn’t want you to get him anything unless it’s something he wants. So every year it’s a challenge to get him something he actually likes and if you do, you WON Christmas.

Merry Christmas, Dad! You big weirdo!
I’ve been winning Christmas a few years in a row and I am pretty proud of that. One year I got him nothing but tombstones. One year I got him a winged demon (pictured above). Last year I made him a skull blanket and one year I gave him a John Denver Christmas ornament that plays Annie’s Song. If he actually smiles and tells you it was a good gift, congratulations!

This year I am giving him exactly what he asked for and the exact same thing I am giving everyone this year…not a damn thing.  

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, etc, etc, my 12 faithful blog readers. Love you guys!


The Mean Beene said...

Actually, the wool in Uggs helps keep your feet at their ideal temperature no matter the temperature outside. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Stacey Garrett said...

That's all well and good but I happen to think you look like a complete moron wearing any kind of boot in July. It's retarded.

Sherrie Bee Bop said...

Man... getting the Gameboy with Kirby, Zelda, etc. was like the best Christmas ever. My mom even gave us a shit-ton of batteries in our stockings for the Gameboys. That was awesome. Except that she ran out of wrapping paper and decided to wrap our batteries in aluminum foil and toss them in our stockings, which caused alllll of the chocolate to melt. It was a very messy Christmas. But it was successful.

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