Thursday, June 2, 2011

This week on Facebook: Emotional Wrecks

i've met one of the MOST amazing guys ever and i am really really digging him :) wish mez luck !!!! – Word of advice, don’t text him. Or friend him on fb. Or do anything where he can see you type. Just avoid that altogether. And I don’t even think I need to mention the desperation in this status, it’s obvious and beyond sad.

To the man that almost hit me this morning - me and my unborn child could've been badly hurt. Do not wave at me like that was acceptable. - STFU, Parents. The end. 

Presented without comment because, what? - Yesterday is gone & today is a new day but when the clock strikes midnight it will be another new day. As our clocks wined down our hearts do not give up, our memories do not fade us & our hearts do not forget, as time will pass, our hearts will mend but we hold the ones that are dear to us forever in are hearts. May the ones that leave us guide us & watch over us because when our time is up may they meet us & guide us to the days that never end.

Guess tonight Will be the same as today......terrible! – Had a bad day, huh? And who is Will?

Religious Fuckery:

Shockingly none this week. Thank you, Facebook, for not invoking the lord’s name to get you through the drive thru at McDonalds.

WTFITOFB (Why The Fuck Is This On Facebook) -   

Lesson of the week. I have learned it does not matter how good of a Daddy you are but only how much money you have to give to the mom decides wether or not she lets you see the kid... Some times life will just kick you in the balls !!! – Look. I know that there is a fair amount of baby mama drama in the world. It happens all the time, I am sure. My issue is this; did you need to share that with all of your friends on the fb? No. No you did not. And, it kind of sounds like you haven’t exactly been paying for that child like you should be or else you would get to see your kid, no? So you basically just shared with everyone that you kind of suck as a father a little bit. Bravo on that.

I thought I had heaven on earth w/ my best friend & the love of my life... Now, I'm just living in hell. Did she leave you because you’re a whiny bitch? I am going to say she left you because you’re a whiny bitch. Nut up or shut up, ever heard of it? And feel free to be as miserable as you’d like on the inside but no one needs to know it’s making you even more pathetic, if that is possible.

Statuses done Right

- Is there anything more awkward than that moment when you hold the door open for someone but they're too far away so they start running?

- I would complain but I have better shit to do like: spooning with dementia patients at the nursing home, pretending to be a robot on main street, and laying down my beat poetry at the shelter.

- is it wrong to bring a coupon on a date, if not, one lucky female is going to get a free Big Mac.

- " OMG why do people always have to bang on the door at dinner time..... GTG!!!"- Anne Frank

- " wjfhanclg krfidcvjbj jfv nvnv n nvvsdflkffjdggqpwow " -Helen Keller. Translation: Cankles are the most seductive part of a woman. Happy Friday douches.

- God got the sun, moon, clouds, mountains, volcanos, ark, animals, Earth, and Eden right. Apparently extra dick skin was a huge miss.

- I just tried to pay for my dinner with my Kroger card

- The difference between faith and insanity is that faith is the ability to hold firmly to a conclusion that is incompatible with the evidence, whereas insanity is the ability to hold firmly to a conclusion that is incompatible with the evidence.

- Who's your favorite Rhymes? LeAnne or Busta?

- Family coming over. Better take the handcuff straps off the bed.

- I just yawned while looking down and drooled all over my arm. Well okay then. This is certainly a new low.

- The sandwich artist with the dreadlocks at the Subway on Getwell should have his work in a museum. Salvador Dalicious!

- I dunno. I just find nascar about as exciting as the HIV.

‎- "Fuck 'em and feed 'em fish heads" - Ancient Polish proverb

- Just making turkey chili for breakfast. No big deal.

- Oh am I wearing an ascot? I didn't notice.

- Enjoys license plates that randomly end in FKQ.

- How did I get stuck watching Hoffa? So this is what people kept telling me about compromise!


Holly said...

I love "This Week on Facebook." I hope I never make it on this blog unless it's on statuses done right.

Is it sad that I almost always know who these people are, even though you are kind enough to post without their names? It is. Sad.

Also, I believe you left off one status done right this week. It is yours from yesterday. HAHAH! I literally laughed out loud.

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