This Week on Facebook: What kind of woman???

I get asked a lot if the people I make fun of ever read TWOF. I am going to say they don’t. If they did, they would have for sure deleted me as a friend, right? I also get asked if I feel badly about it. The answer: no. No one should be surprised at that. Is me calling someone out for being kinda dumb mean? Yes of course it is. However, all I am doing is saying what everyone else is thinking. So it is mean of me to say it or is it just as mean of you to think it? Do you see?  

Do what, now? Everytime something good happens I kicked back in the balls and fall down !!!

The only amusing intro to a YouTube video that I probably won’t watch that I have ever heard: My favorite Earl Scruggs tune absolutely dominated by a 12 yr old. If i wore panties id throw them at him. Gross. I dont want to wear panties or have anything to do with 12 yr olds. Anyways, way to pick kid.

Check-in WTF?:

Checking in at the tanning bed with: Laying out takes too long and gets too hot. About an hour later checking in at “The Pool.” It’s called skin cancer and that shit is everywhere. Maybe look into it???

STFU, Couples:

An exchange from one couple that are laying on the same couch together updating their fb with this:

Wife’s status:laying with my hunnie enjoying my sunday morning ! love u david !Husband’s three individual statuses after wife’s: Like! - love you more hunnie bunny! - Muah! Xoxo!

Oh how I hate a man that not only says “muah” but also uses “xoxo.” If you really want to kiss or hug on her as the “xoxo” denotes, you can do just that. She is sitting RIGHT NEXT TO YOU! If she makes you laugh (when she posts statuses like that, I am going to say she doesn’t) do you put “lol” on fb as well?

Religious Fuckery:

Have an amazing wife. Gives up so much so others can have/ do more. She goes and goes, despite being tired and needing rest. Talk about a Proverbs 31 woman. Always putting others needs before her own. Works and prays for Gods perfect will to be done in every single little thing she does. Boy are we lucky! – I  had to look up Proverbs 31 for you people! This is the status that just keeps on giving. Not only is it rife with religious ridiculousness, it’s also a shout-out to his wife, which, ew. I am glad when someone really wants to show their love for their spouse but doing that via fb is the phoniest of the phony. It’s also really annoying. Also, no one cares. I know I don’t. And if you would rather not click the link, a Proverbs 31 woman is basically a strong woman who shuts the fuck up and does what she is told be it by god or her husband. And if this particular wife prays for god’s perfect will in every single little thing she does…what kind of negative effect does that have in the bedroom? Does His all encompassing guidance help her out there? How’s that working out for you? Also, your wife’s life sounds like it kind of sucks, FYI.

chillen around homestead plans with an awesome person named michael YAY lol... man its time to calm down everyone i know is married and has family or is dying.. errrrr ;( depressin shit for me but yay good for them!!! – Oh wow. Okay. I was actually given a heads up on this one because the submitter didn’t know what it meant either. Let me attempt to break it down as best I can: This person is hanging out at home with a guy. And she’s thinking about how everyone is either settling down or…dying? Is that what I take from this? Is that our only two options? Settle down or die?

WTFITOFB (Why The Fuck Is This On Facebook) -   

I hope this month is better then last... With in one mouth I have lost two good friends , my dad has came down with stage 2 emphazima and I am not able to see MY SON cause of money but I work on cominson and I dont have any money. Talk about crappy but I still thank the lord im alive... Just pray for a better month. – Your month just got worse because you just posted this shit. And, am I wrong, or does emphazima sound like something you’d see on lolcats? It most certainly doesn’t look like the debilitating disease emphysema. And I also have an issue with the being thankful that you are alive bs. Just because I am alive and well does that mean I can never bitch about anything, ever? Because no. Yes I am alive but that doesn’t mean that things can’t suck. Are the dead really all that pissed off at the living with our pulses and working brains and such? Maybe they should just get the fuck over it.

Statuses done Right

- If you are 30 years old and still riding a bmx bike down stage rd.....Your life can be considered a success.

- After only 2 Beers I feel as bloated as a fat kid at a doughnut shop... Good, Night!

- Trail mix may be the best thing that you can legally buy in a zip lock bag.

- ok, my parents gave me a book titled "How to Make People Think You're Normal" and a fedora.... I'm confused, a fedora is not normal, yet I heart them..

- biggest turnoff phrase of all time... "I'm a cat person" ... followed by "I have Beiber fever"..

- My neurologist has dainty hands, seriously his hands are like a like a handicapped midget. I think Chris Hanson is waiting nearby to offer me cookies.

- If you're anything like me, congratulations.

- I'm not the sharpest Crayon on the Christmas tree but even I know that letting your 5 year old ride on the back of your motorcycle down the interstate without a helmet isn't the best of ideas.

- I know there’s starving people without arms and shit but let’s talk about real problems: gas pumps that don’t have the little lever to hold it so you have to stand outside your car and actually hold the pump handle the entire time. Isn’t that just the worst?

- Drunk. Need to get home. Watermelon crawl?

- MTV has a Teen Wolf TV series now? I bet Michael J. Fox is shaking in anger.