Thursday, June 16, 2011

This week on Facebook: The Weather

So many good pictures this week!

I'm looking at YOU 1/4 of the chicks I am friends with

This is funny on manys levels.
The Jesus looking dude is Athiest Jim as everyone bows before him at a wedding...I laughed...a good bit

Hey At@t eat my ass(sorry old people). What it do vorizon (sic). - I have also recently made the switch from AT&T to Verizon but that is not what I am here to talk about. It’s the “sorry old people” that gets me. As anyone that is FB friends with me can attest to, I don’t give a shit less what anyone, young or old, thinks about what I post in my statuses. If they don’t like it or if I am too vulgar, there is a hide feature. You never have to see me again if you don’t want to. What also annoys the piss out of me is people asking you to censor yourself on FB. I don’t really care if your 13 year old niece is your fb friend and may see that I wrote the word “ass” in a comment on your status. Tell your niece to nut up or get off FB. It’s as simple as that. There is nothing I hate more than to get reprimanded by a peer with a “Language!” in response to anything I say.  The world is a shitty place with bad language, get used to it or prepare yourself to live your life constantly offended.

When u find the right one ur love is a shelter from a storm, love is peice in the middle of a war. If u try to leave may god send angels to gaurd the door. Love is not a fight but its worth fighting for. – Shockingly enough the person that posted this is not a 14-year-old Twitard with her first boyfriend. It’s a 31-year-old man.

There is nothing Facebookians like discussing more than the weather and there was a hell of a summer storm here on Monday:

- Getting pretty dark out! Definitely about to be some bad storms near me... hopefully we avoid the tornadoes b/c I know there have been some near by. I just PRAY we don't lose electricity b/c I need my A/C in this heat! – Yes please pray for air conditioning. I hear that is very effective.

- Hey guys. It's about to rain like a mother fucker. FYI

- I'm so glad I just got the pool clean, so now I can clean again after this storm.

- Hope the storm holds off long enough to get to my wife and son

- Not even an hour ago I was cruisin' down Poplar with sunglasses on and now it looks like it's 9:00 pm outside

- looks like 9:00 at night outside. These storm clouds are no joke.

- I believe I left my sunroof cracked. I hope that I am wrong.

- I don't mean to alarm anyone, but I think we're all about to die.

Religious Fuckery:

Why are we so quick to get angry and upset, when we should be thankful for everything God has put in our lives- trials and triumphs! – Big ups to Jesus for cancer, child molestation, AIDS, rape, incest, murder, ingrown toenails, papercuts and lupus. Be thankful for your debilitating diseases and life-ruining trauma. God might give you a sunny day to make it all better! You ungrateful pricks…

What better way to end "pirate day" than telling your kid that the best treasures are stored in heaven not on earth; and God offers us the greatest treasure of all, his only son Jesus to die on the cross for all of our sins! – Bahahaaahhhaaaaaa. I don’t even know what the fuck to say about this. Even Christians have to be rolling their eyes at that one, am I right?! That is just a bit much for anyone.

WTFITOFB (Why The Fuck Is This On Facebook) -   

This weeks WTFITOFB comes to us from a message sent to me by the incomparable Jason Snell. I am just going to copy and paste the entire message here. It is worth reading:

B likes Bone marrow.· Like This Page.

Seriously?!?!!?!?!? It's not liking bone marrow transplants... just bone marrow. This kid is a retard. I looked at the page and it is just about bone marrow.

I often wonder why certain things even have a FB page, things like bone marrow. I, personally, am not a fan of bone marrow but I do love me some plasma…

Statuses done Right

"What a night, hookers aplenty, I forgot to buy condoms, but they looked clean" - Magic Johnson.

- Since when did the term gay and retarded become racist words... that really limits my vocabulary. Next thing you know douche will be racist too...

- I want to see Chris Bosh cry his eye out.

- As soon as I came home from work, I laid down on the bed. Just now waking up. I feel like a movie character who has no idea what happened or how he got where he is. Checking for face tattoos and bathroom tigers now.

- This mud-covered, flea-ridden buffalo at Shelby Farms is my spirit animal.

- Power's out. There are straw huts in Uganda that don't lose electricity as often as my neighborhood. Suck all the dicks, MLGW.

- If I had a nickel for every time I was sitting at my computer with Facebook open, only to reach for my phone and check the Facebook app out of habit, I would be rich. Also, I'd be making money in a very weird way.

- I'm commiting suicide by McNugget. Slow, delicious suicide.

- Had a dream that a rattlesnake bit my eyeball. Never going to sleep again.

- Holy shit, there's a freaking rollie-pollie invasion in my office!!!

- Wait....people are STILL posting profile pics of their naked torsos?? Didn't society already establish that that's...douchey?

- I’m helping a stripper find an outfit for work tonight. My momma told me to do good deeds.

- Detailed Penetration Report... not as interesting as it sounds.

- A…who is 5…recently saw the Justin Beiber movie. She has been asking about going to California to meet him and if I know where his house is. Yeah.


Jaime said...

Love it as usual! thanks for the great post! especially the MLGW facebook status update that was frickin hilarious! The Home Buyer's Blog!

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