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Monday, November 29, 2010

Asshole Monday: It's back bitches!


If hell existed, it would look like this

Okay, it’s the Monday after Thanksgiving and after a week of being positive, it is time to expose an asshole or two, and I think if you look into your mind grapes for a second, you will know who has it coming this Monday.

Black Friday Shoppers!

Before I start offending, let me say this; my own sister is a Black Friday Shopper. A crazy one. So when I insult faceless people across America, I am also insulting my own family. I take no issue with this. Moving on…

Really, guys? Really? Is it that good of a deal for you to camp out Thanksgiving night? Are you seriously not going to sleep for 48 hours so you can save $45 on a Wii? Are you going to fight crowd after crowd so you can get the last $1.00 scarf?

Black Friday may just be one reason why I am slowly beginning to hate Christmas. It’s all too much. Don’t get me wrong, I love giving gifts and buying things for people and all that good stuff, what I don’t like is people.

That is why I am more of a Cyber Monday kind of girl. You can get up at your leisure in your underwear and buy whatever you want and you don’t have to elbow some stupid cunt that wants the last Tickle Me Elmo. It’s a win/ win/ win.

And let’s file Black Friday under “Reasons They Hate Us.” They meaning everyone and Us meaning America. I have done no research on this and I am sure it would only take a second to Google it and give you a correct answer, but I am 99% sure that Black Friday doesn’t exist anywhere but here. Though I could be wrong, but I am pretty sure I am not.

While people are lining up here to save $15 on a 40” Flat Screen, people in other countries are lining up for a leprosy vaccine or whatever. Do you see? Do you all see the consumerism going out of control? The things you own, end up owning you (thank you, Chuck Palahniuk). Do you really need all the shit on your Black Friday list? Do you need to mow down soccer moms for that…soccer ball??? I am going to say now. When did Christmas become this? Bahmotherfuckinghumbug.

That being said, I would really like a Playstation 3 for Christmas, kthanksbye.

4 comments:

Peezy said...

I totally went to Target at 4am on Friday. It was horrifying, but kinda fun. No waiting in line but we went right after the lines got in. Nutty shit man.

Snoballz said...

I was really hoping for the icy road conditions that were predicted for Friday morning so I could watch the Black Friday idiots play bumper cars in the parking lots. Does that make me a bad person?

Stacey Garrett said...

Stovall, you are a bad person but not because of that.

And Daniel, I thought more of you than that. But I get it if the wife wanted to go. You are a damn fine supportive husband.

The Mean Beene said...

I hate America just for this reason alone. However, I know that tons of tourists come over to the good ol' US of A to shop and especially to shop on Black Friday. They bring SUITCASES to fill while they are out and about. SUITCASES.

One more reason to move to France.

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