Friday, January 14, 2011

So I hear your zodiac symbol changed...

How can anyone freak out about anything when there are uni-corn holders in the world???

Okay people, let’s all take a deep breath.

So yesterday or the day before or whenever, the zodiac signs supposedly changed for some reason or another and everyone is, like, super pissy about it. My question: Why?

I have always been either a Gemini or a Cancer. I am on the cusp as they say and depending on what chart or whatever you check, I can be either/or with my birthday being June 21st.  Now I am a Cancer, I believe. Which I sort of always have been but regardless, again, who cares?

Is there anyone out there who is going to be greatly affected by this? Has your life changed monumentally because of astrology? Are you not the same asshole you once were now that, supposedly, you’re a Libra instead of a….whatever comes after Libra? I’m going to say you probably are.

In an effort to be a more efficient blogger I have actually done some research for you people so we can all have a better of understanding of what everyone is flipping out about.  However, I am not so efficient that I am going to break it down for you in layman’s terms because I am not that smart but I will provide you with a helpful link if anyone cares so go here my little assholes. 

If you want me to break it down for you very, very simply: All kinds of shit in space has, like, shifted and now your zodiac symbol has probably changed but it really doesn’t matter because it’s all garbage created by hippies (no disrespect hippies, love you!) so everyone can calm down.

I have never held much stock in horoscopes or any of that mess. I have never met a horoscope that was right and I have never read a zodiac breakdown about myself that was accurate, for example let’s break down a few things about both Cancer and Gemini since I am sort of both and see how accurately they describe me:

Cancer Strengths: - Loyalty (yeah, probably) – Dependable (for the most part)  – Caring (absolutely) – Adaptable (umm…) – Responsive (Yes)

Cancer Weakness: - Moody (totally) – Clingy (not especially) - Self-pitying (for sure)  –Oversensitive (not really) - Self-absorbed (no doubt, but how is this a weakness???)

Gemini Strengths: - Energetic (ha!) - Clever (duh!) – Imaginative (absolutely) – Witty (I have my moments) – Adaptable (apparently I should be very adaptable)

Gemini Weakness:  Superficial (all day long) – Impulsive (not at all) – Restless (not so much) – Devious (you say that like it’s a bad thing) – Indecisive (who me? I don’t think so…

Okay so maybe I didn’t prove my case completely that zodiac signs and meanings are bullshit, but whatever. I am sure I can find parts of myself in every sign.

Anyhoo, everyone calm the fuck down. There are more important things you should be worried about than what BS sign you now identify with, I assure you. Like, did you know that you can comment on my blog? True Story. You totally can. Let’s try that now…


D.P. said...

Yeah, I'm good on it. Zodiac signs are bullshit anyway. If I wanted a cryptic, inaccurate guide to living my life, I'd read a Bible.

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