Asshole Monday: Glee



Yes you are all losers, you are correct



 Glee sucks.
Not just the show but the cast (except Jane Lynch, I can’t say that enough), the characters, the set, the audience, the premise, and to some extent, the fans.

Don’t get me wrong, I like musicals. I like shows and movies that feature both high schools and high school characters. I like bright colors and ridiculous behaviors. I really do. Glee was geared towards someone like me. I am probably their target audience. That being said, I hate Glee.

I actually watched the first few episodes of it and I have to say that, from the start, I didn’t hate it. The first episode with the gay kid learning how to play football and teaching the entire football team the Single Ladies dance…adorable. I liked it. I watched a few episodes after that and I didn’t hate it but I also didn’t love it. I had lukewarm feelings at best and then it got very popular and then…

My deep, loathing hatred started with everyone telling me that I SHOULD like Glee.  And not just like it but should LOVE it. And when I admitted that I didn’t love it but it was only ok, I got hostility and confusion. I didn’t care much for this and let me tell you why:

1. Don’t tell me what to do, it is going to make me want to do the opposite (yes, I realize that I tell you people what to watch all the time, but I am right…)

2. Just because it is widely popular doesn’t mean that it is good. All kinds of shit is popular that sucks i.e. Two and a Half Men, Avatar, Twilight, I could go on for quite some time…

From this point on, I was pretty much done with the show and everyone involved with it. Now let me break my hatred down for you…

Everyone involved with the show seems to be annoying as shit. Take Ryan Murphy, the creator of the show. In my Keepers column on Friday I directed everyone to check out a link where Ryan Murphy was talking smack about not only Slash (come on now, it’s Slash. Don’t be hatin) and Kings of Leon. KOL didn’t let Glee use a song of theirs because…well because the show sucks. And Ryan I Feel Overly Important Murphy decided he would publicly lambaste KOL for this saying “Won’t you please think of the Children?! THE CHILDREN!!”

No, Ryan Murphy, no. You aren’t thinking of the 7-year-old children that NEED to hear Kings of Leon’s music, you are thinking of yourself and your ratings. KOL is popular so wouldn’t they want to be UBER GLEE POPULAR?! Right?! Doesn’t every band want to be on Glee? Apparently no, they don’t and get your panties out of your ass because someone turned you down. Take it like a man and move along.

There is also something about Lea Michelle that makes me want to punch something soft and fluffy and adorable. Just tear it to pieces. I cannot stand her and I can’t even really tell you why. It’s not a warranted hatred, it’s just pure unadulterated hatred for this girl and her stupid name and her stupid face. You can tell she just thinks she is hot snot when really she is just cold boogers (yes, I just used an insult I first heard in the fourth grade). She needs to be taken down a peg or 12. Someone release a sex tape or something. Are there not photos anywhere of her topless or hitting a bong? An upskirt? Something? Can someone show me proof that she is human? I need to see that.

Lastly, the fans…Gleetards are annoying for sure but I don’t blame them for my hatred. They like something that sucks. It happens to me all the time. And I am not judging Gleetards for this, like what you like man, but don’t tell me that I have to like it because it’s “so good.” Because it’s not…but at least it’s not Jersey Shore. 

But please Glee fans, do shut up. I don’t want to hear about your blessed show and how it is so good and how I am a mutant for not liking it. You are free to do you and get a fucking Gleek tattoo on your Gleek forehead, I don’t care. But stop shoving it down my throat.  Watch your show and sing your songs and dance your dances. Live your Gleek life, but please leave me out of it. Pleaseandthankyou.